Page 44 of Monster. Me.

I glance around at the other couples. Some are sitting close together, some have their arms around each other, and others are openly showing affection. Rupert does none of that.

Of course, Pedro decides his birthday is the perfect opportunity to show off his questionable singing skills, which aren't even remotely on Juan and Timmy's level. He starts belting out another song, and I sit there staring at him while the same thought keeps running through my head.

What the fuck am I doing here? This isn't my place.

Part of me wants to end it all again. Seriously.

I've tried different methods before. Razors. Pills. One time I even jumped off a tall building. The problem was that my survival instinct kicked in at the last second. I shifted midair and landed on all fours.

I can't even kill myself properly! Maybe cats really do have nine lives?

Frowning, I stand and tell Rupert I need some fresh air. Not even waiting for his answer, I pull on my jacket and head outside. I walk quickly to the elevator, ride up, pass the reception desk, then the security booth staffed by alphas.

Yeah, I extended the car rental. I'd figured it might still come in handy.

I get in and start driving with no destination in mind, just moving forward. Running, or just trying how it feels.

Even though it's already six in the evening, the sun is still shining warmly across the forest. Unfortunately, I don't have much time. The next pheromone session starts at seven, and I need to be back before then.

Meanwhile, my soul feels like it's collapsing in on itself, dark clouds gathering somewhere along the horizon of my future. I desperately need to clear my head. Damn, I need to make a decision about leaving the program.

The problem is that every time I try, Fenn Drax's face appears in my mind.

What could this be about?

This guy isn't in this program to romance him! To have a thing with him!

That's what the other participants are for, so why do I keep stubbornly coming back to that thought?

I'd like to just talk to him, spend time with him, keep him company. It's strange. I barely know him, but…

I close my eyes.

Then immediately open them again.

Yeah, terrible idea while driving.

As ridiculous as it sounds, Fenn is currently the only reason, the absolute only reason, I haven't gone to Dr. Lee and withdrawn from this whole mess.

I’m almost at Rainbow Spring when I spot something blocking the road. A procession of people dressed in dark clothing. I slow down because the lane is narrow enough that trying to squeeze past them feels like a terrible idea. Then it hits me. It's a funeral procession.

Oh, fuck. What a perfect way to improve my mood while I'm contemplating the value of my own existence. The universe really has a sense of humor.

I creep forward for a while, wondering whether it's worth waiting for them to pass. I don't even know where the local cemetery is. Eventually, the entire group turns onto a smaller side road leading toward a gentle hill. At the top sits a fenced cemetery.

For reasons I can't entirely explain, I pull over, get out of the car, and join the procession.

If I'm going to torture myself, I might as well commit to it.

I notice several people at the front who are clearly crying, probably family members. Behind them is a fairly large crowd. What catches my attention, though, is the number of animals. A lot of people are walking dogs on leashes. Several are carrying cats in carriers. Two people have parrots. One guy is carrying a snake draped over his shoulders.

What the hell?

It’s kinda interesting.

Eventually, I work up the courage to ask one of the people near the back, an older omega leaning on a cane.

"Why are there so many animals here? Is this some kind of pet cemetery?"