Page 95 of Monster. Me.

Why, instead of the euphoric joy this pregnancy should bring, something I once dreamed of, do I feel despair, as if hope is slipping irreversibly through my fingers: my previous life, my dreams

…and Fenn.

"I want to get out of here!" I squeal, squeezing my eyes shut again. "I don’t want to spend another day here!"

He stares at me, then nods.

"Of course. My family has a guest house in the southern part of Florida. Sometimes my brothers spend holidays there, but it’s empty now. Maybe you’d like to stay there for a while, clear your head, and think everything through?"

I sit in silence. The idea isn’t half bad. I do need oblivion and calm for my chaotic emotions, to form some plan, to find a way out of this trap.

He slowly nods. "Okay. Let’s go."

He takes out his phone.

"I’ll book a flight from Franklin. I hope something is leaving today."

Dr. Lee raises his eyebrows.

"So the program is over for you. You don’t plan to come back?"

"No," I reply darkly.

Dr. Lee walks over to his desk and pulls a document out of a folder in the drawer. He gestures me over with a wave of his hand and says,

"Sign the voluntary resignation. If you just walk out like this without a word, you won’t get your payment. This way at least some money will come in, and you’ll need it," he says in a very matter-of-fact tone.

Rupert immediately perks up, grabs one of the pens, and starts signing.

I stand there for a moment, staring at the pink pen with a big fluffy pom-pom that I had liked so much earlier. I notice Dr. Lee tracking my gaze. With an unhurried motion, he takes the pen out and says,

"This one seems to be your favorite, right?"

I don’t answer. I just stare at him sourly, kinda waiting, a bit challengingly.

Dr. Lee slowly turns the pen so its back faces the desk and drags the loose end with the fluffy ball across the surface in a zigzag motion. I can’t stop myself, of course. I immediately swat at it, stopping its movement.

"Oh, so you’ve got your catch. I had a feeling you’d like this one," Dr. Lee says with a strange smile.

Rupert raises his eyebrows and glances at me, but clearly doesn’t understand what’s going on, and maybe that’s for the best. I give Dr. Lee a crooked, bitter smile and then take the pen and sign the program resignation papers with it.

"You can keep it," Dr. Lee adds with an all-knowing smirk, and then, as if to emphasize it, he suddenly sneezes.

Silently, I turn away, passing Rupert and Dr. Lee, heading to my room to start packing.

Ok, I’ll take the pen too; why not? In my miserable life, I still have a soft spot for swiping small fluffy things, especially when everything is falling apart.

Rupert, holding his phone, catches up to me and says:

"We’re lucky. There’s a direct flight to Florida in four hours."

I don’t respond. I just step into the room, pick up the scattered clothes from the floor next to the wardrobe, which I was trying to pack before the news about my pregnancy, and resume packing, stuffing them messily into the suitcase.

Rupert watches me for a moment, then says:

"It’s too soon to ask for forgiveness, but I’m asking anyway, Marlow. And I will ask for it every day for the rest of the time you agree to spend with me, to make it up to you."

I want to tell him to fuck off, that I’ll never forgive him because things like that simply can’t be forgiven, but I’m too weak, too broken, and too miserable. So I just keep packing, and Rupert starts doing the same after a moment.