Page 73 of Unravel Me

But if that’s all it is, then why does it hurt so much to watch the connection between Jared and Mark grow stronger every day? I should walk away. I should let him go instead of torturing myself like this.

At one point Mark asks Jared to dance, and they sway together to the soft music. Watching Mark’s hands resting against Jared’s back feels like someone scraping shards of glass across my own skin.

What am I supposed to do?

Walk up to him and type on my damned phone, Hey, I’m the brother of the man who raped you, but I’m a different kind of mafioso, okay? Pick me instead.

I doubt Jared would even recognize me after that single brief moment when our eyes met while he lay naked and terrified in Rocco’s bed. It was Ennio and Luca who saved him. He has no idea who I am.

Eventually dinner ends, and deep down I already know how tonight is going to end. The moment I see them share their first kiss out on the terrace, something inside me shatters into dust.

I failed. I missed my chance. I shouldn’t have stayed back that first time. I should’ve let him see me, let him feel what I felt the instant I looked at him. I still believe he would've sensed the same pull.

Instead, I made the biggest mistake of my life, and now I’m paying for it.

Later that evening they curl up together in front of the home theater, watching some romantic comedy. Before long they’re kissing again, holding each other… and eventually they disappear into the bedroom.

Still, I don’t even know why I keep doing this to myself, but I stay in that damned tree all night long, letting every passing hour carve another wound into me. Half asleep, I sink deeper and deeper into myself, crushed beneath the weight of my own despair.

Morning finally comes.

Jared and Mark step out of the bedroom… holding hands.

Stupid, stupid me. I blew it. Idiot! I'm too late.

I feel tears sliding down my cheek. I never cry. But this time it’s stronger than I am.

My fingers close around the pendant hanging from my neck, one half of a heart-shaped leaf.

And then…

Jared is wearing a loose shirt, open at the collar, and for the first time I see it.

Around his neck hangs the other half of my pendant. Sitting beside Mark on the couch, he absently plays with the little golden leaf I gave him.

The sight is unbearably bittersweet.

I lower my head, swaying slightly, so dizzy that it feels as though I might lose consciousness.

Someday… someday I might still find my way to you, Jared.

One day.

Or maybe… you'll be the one who finds your way to me.

CHAPTER 14: JARED

Present day

So… I'm nesting.

I've thrown myself into it completely, letting everything pour out of me: the stress of the past few months, wrapping it all up in hope.

The pillows, scarves, ribbons, and blankets Mauro bought for me are breathtaking, almost magical, top-shelf in every sense. They're made from the finest fabrics, silk, cashmere, velvet… materials that feel like they belong in a dream. I haven't had a nesting kit like this in a long time.

Back at Alex's place I only had a basic setup, and I'd forgotten how much I'd missed that feeling of something special, that touch of the soothing, pleasant textures against my skin. As I stroke the pillows, I saturate them with my scent. The glands on my wrists release a unique fragrance that will later help calm and comfort me.

Once the nest is finished, I stare for a while, feeling proud.