Page 113 of The Secret to Belonging

and slink into the shadows

Espen calls!

your body quivers and hums

you pull the phone as far as the cord will reach

sit on the bathroom floor

he starts in English

switches to norsk

sounds and syllables bathe your brain

in peace, in calm, in care

he’s not dating anyone

(of course he’s not)

he misses you so much

(of course he does)

he wants to come visit

he wants to help

nei

nei, nei, nei

det må du ikke gjøre

you don’t want him anywhere near your family

anywhere near their contagious toxicity

but you are there, he says

you are not immune

how is that okay?

that’s different

you were infected at your mother’s breast

there’s no vaccine

only quarantine by oceans and continents

the cupboard in your chest creaks

the rusty hinges strain against

your reluctant heart