Page 77 of Dead Beat

“I wanted to know. I deserved to know. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were.”

“And I’m not helpless.”

Alex said nothing.

Mercy wiped her tears away. “You want to think of me that way, but I’m not. Knowing the difference between right and wrong isn’t a weakness.”

“You don’t have to be weak to be a liability.”

“That’s a mean thing to say.”

Alex felt her patience fraying. She felt sick with guilt and she was tired of trying to pretend that she had any real control over what was happening. “I think we should get you back to the dorms.”

“And then what? What do we tell Lauren? Am I supposed to keep lying for you?”

“Tell Lauren whatever you want. Tell her magic is real and I can see ghosts and that a vampire took you for a walk on the beach tonight.”

“She’ll think I’m crazy.”

She would. Alex knew what that was like too. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

“You could start with an apology.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“You want my list of sins? Okay, I’m sorry I made you an accessory to murder. I’m sorry I let you get kidnapped by a demon. I’m sorry for pretending to be a good person so you’d hang out with me. But I’d do it all over again, especially the last bit, because I really liked hanging out with you.” Alex knew she should stop there, but her mouth didn’t seem to agree. “I’m sorry that magic isn’t clean or easy. I’m sorry that the monsters in this world, human or otherwise, don’t lie down and roll over because you say a few prayers. I want to make this right, Mercy. But no angel or apostle is coming to your rescue. All you’ve got is me, up to my hips in shit and just trying to wade through it.”

“You don’t need to raise your voice.”

Alex threw up her hands. “I’m sorry for that too.”

Mercy stared at her. She sniffled, then tucked her hair behind her ears and folded her hands like a child at her lessons. “I’d like to go home.”

Alex felt all the anger rush out of her. Bridges burned. Fields salted. Check and check. If Mercy had envied Alex, Alex could admit the same was true for her. She was jealous of Mercy’s faith, of the family she had to return to, of the door she could close on Lethe and the rest of it. You weren’t supposed to wake sleepwalkers. It was dangerous to thrust them from one reality into another. If Mercy wanted to close her eyes and go back to the dream of a world that made sense, Alex couldn’t blame her.

“Okay,” she said. “One of us will drive you.”

Mercy pushed the blanket aside and reached for her oxblood loafers and the coat Turner or his mother had folded neatly at the foot of the bed. “He gave me something for you.”

Alex stilled, waiting.

She drew a small black box from her pocket. “He said he hoped to show you around his garden soon.”

Alex looked at the box in her hands, her skin crawling. She lifted the lid, closed it.

“What is it?” Mercy asked.

“A ring.”

“Oh.” Mercy released a shaky breath. “I thought it might be … I don’t know … an eyeball.”

Alex shook her head. “Just some heirloom.”

“Is it cursed or something?”