Page 69 of Save Me

Maddox is stiff. “Yeah.”

My excitement builds, and suddenly I feel like a kid again when Dad got me my first gun. “Freak yeah, that’s a good gun! Reliable. The Toyotas of the gun industry.”

Maddox just looks at me.

“Can I see it?” A little voice in my head screams I’m not being cool, but I shoot it down. I’m not asking anything personal of Maddox. Not controlling him. He got a shiny new toy; everyone likes to show off shiny new toys.

Maddox shrugs, placing it on the island. I sidle up to him, waiting for him to open it and show me.

I don’t move. Because I think if I move, I’ll reach out and touch the hand that’s resting on the counter near me. The strong hand with thick fingers. The one that I want wrapped around my⁠—

Maddox reaches to open the case, trying to flip the slide latches instead of sliding them. When he gets it figured out and opens it, there’s a sleek black Glock 17 there with the gun lock engaged through the barrel.

I whistle. “Shew, she’s pretty.”

Maddox makes a grunt.

“Can I hold it?”

Maddox picks it up and hands it to me with the barrel facing me. For a second, I’m horrified, and it’s then that I realize this sweet angel baby has never handled a gun before.

Gently, I point the barrel away from both of us and continue to praise it, but inside I’m screaming. He’s never shot a gun before. I CAN TEACH HIM! SWEET BABY JESUS, THIS WILL BE FUN!

By miraculous energy, I keep myself from bouncing on my toes and squeak out a casual, “We should go shooting sometime! I can show you the ropes. If you want.” You know. Pretend none of that other stuff happened. I never threatened your ex and never spied on you or stalked you, never ever followed you! Definitely not that.

Maddox was already stiff, but I feel the discomfort rolling off him in waves now. I quickly follow up my offer to help with a joking, “Of course, it’ll cost you a babysitting session with Princess.”

Maddox relaxes incrementally. “Oh, uh…yeah.”

“Yeah?” I turn to him, excitement humming in my veins. “What are you doing this afternoon?” That voice is screaming at me, but Arthur is still out there, and Maddox isn’t shooting anyone but himself with the way he’s handling the gun now. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m giddy from just standing next to Maddox. He’s like a freaking drug right to my system because I know he wants me; he just doesn’t realize it yet. I can help keep him safe; he just won’t acknowledge that yet. And what a terrifying, thrilling, I-wanna-throw-up game this is.

Maddox is silent for a minute.

My mouth opens of its own accord. “It’ll be fast; there’s a range twenty minutes south of here.” I’ll help keep him safe, even if it’s just teaching him how to shoot.

Finally, Maddox says, “Nothing, I guess. That would be fine.”

“Sweet!” I do bounce on my toes a bit this time because son of a biscuit eater, we’re gonna go shooting!

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

We drive separately, and the whole time down, I’m questioning why I let Micah talk me into this. You know, the guy who threatened to kill my ex and still might do it for all I know? Taking me to a gun range.

It’s incriminating at best, fucking evidence at worst.

But he looked so goddamn happy. And I need to learn how to shoot.

How can Micah act this…nice to me all the time? Doesn’t it get exhausting to keep up the act? How does he know how to tell the difference between the act and reality if he doesn’t break character? The only time he broke character was when he talked about Arthur. I saw real hatred there, and I saw how he was trying to get at my weaknesses. But even then, he played it off like he was the big hero trying to save me.

He’s good. He’s really fucking good.

I have to make him break character. I have to. I need to see the real Micah without him playing hero or whatever. The need burns in my veins.

I need a few things. I need to learn how to shoot this gun, then break Micah, so I can have some closure on all of this. As soon as Micah transferred the money, I texted Arthur and Venmo’d it to him. I even threw in enough for another stupid hoodie. I put it as a public transaction so he couldn't argue whether I sent it or not. Then, I blocked him again.

I feel better, but only incrementally. Because I don’t think Arthur really cares about the money itself. It was never about that. It was always about his bruised ego.

And that’s not something getting a few hundred bucks will fix.