Page 42 of Harbinger

What is this starsdamned cycle? I turn to ask, but Patron Velesont grunts, “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

“No one is executing my sister,” Broderic says with quiet firmness.

“That will be up to a vote,” Patron Calix says, one corner of his mouth turning up cruelly. “Her magic won’t stay quiet forever. We don’t know what she’ll become. I’d rather end this while we still can.”

I should be running or fighting or throwing my chair through the window. But my body won’t move as I listen to them discuss the relative merits of murdering me for participating in their stupid ritual. I stare at my hands on the table. There’s still dirt under my fingernails from this afternoon. That alley and the thief seem like a lifetime ago. I fought then. Why am I just sitting here now? Why does it feel like all the forces of the heavens have strapped me to this chair and cut out my tongue? Speak. But I don’t know what to say.

Hey, I promise to not become mad with power and nearly destroy the world? I don’t think they’re going to accept that on my word alone.

My eyes lift, and I find myself looking directly at Queen Selestina.

She gives me the slightest smile, wiping it from her face before anyone else can see. “There has been enough death today.” The finality in her tone suggests that even she knows we are not equals here. She is the queen, and we are beneath her. The high vesper leans down to whisper something in her ear, and she nods. “We will not presume to understand what the Stars intend. Not until we’ve studied them. In the meantime, Lady … Arden will be protected.”

“We’ll leave for Damalis first thing in the morning,” Broderic says, rising to his feet.

“You can’t think she’ll be allowed to leave with you.” Patron Calix shakes his head. “She stays here—in custody—where people can keep an eye on her.”

Broderic slams a fist onto the table, so hard that the wood groans. “She has done nothing wrong.”

“Then she has nothing to fear,” Patron Calix says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Can you be certain that she’s not a witch? She’s marked by their order.”

“You forget the witches stood with us once,” Patron Leontia says quietly. “None of us would be here without them.”

“You know as well as I do that they—”

“We know very little about what happened to them,” Queen Selestina interrupts. “Perhaps we should ask Arden what she wants.” She gives me a subtle nod.

I want this nightmare to be over. Next to me, Broderic relaxes slightly. Leontia. The queen. They’re on our side. But Calix and Velesont? They’re not looking at me anymore. They’re watching my brother.

“I want …” What do I want? I shoot a panicked look at Bishop. “What I want is …”

“She wants to come home, obviously,” Broderic says impatiently.

“Do you really think that’s the best idea?” Bishop asks him, his eyes on mine.

He’s not asking my brother. The question is meant for me. It’s his job to see the violence in men, to anticipate it. Or maybe it just speaks to what runs in his own veins. He nods slightly as if he knows what I’m thinking. He is not my friend, nor my ally. He is an instrument of justice. He is a wolf with teeth that will protect me until he’s ordered to bite.

“Arden?” the queen prompts.

And suddenly, I know what I have to do. The decision slices into my heart like a knife. Whatever future I’d dreamed of for myself was traded when I set that oscen free. But I won’t let it take away anyone else’s.

I can’t go home, if Damalis is still my home. We have no security. Kieren isn’t even really trained. He can use his sword but only because it is sharp. And men like Patrons Velesont and Calix have means. They never cared about a vote. They decided my fate in the throne room.

I don’t have a choice. Not really. Not if I want to protect my family.

“Arden,” Broderic whispers. “It will be okay. No one in the village will care.”

What a beautiful, hopeful delusion.

I hate the other patrons for making me do this. I hate Bishop for forcing me to see the truth. I hate the Stars for cursing me. Mostly, I hate myself for what I’m about to say. But if I don’t burn this bridge, Broderic’s stubborn pride might get all of us killed.

My eyes shutter, and I take a deep breath. “I’m not an Icaros. Not anymore.” The words shred me, more painful than when the Stars doomed me to this moment. But I take that pain and transform it. I reach for its darkness, and in its shadows, I find something useful. Rage. I let it flow into my voice, let its fire transform me into something brutal and unyielding. “I don’t belong in Damalis. You all saw the truth. The Stars have spoken.”

“Arden, of course you belong with us. We’re your family.” Broderic reaches for me.

I shake off his touch and turn my anger on him. I twist it into something cruel and smug and pray that my voice doesn’t break. “I never asked to be born to Order Icaros.” No, that was a gift I no longer deserve. “I never asked to be shackled to a farm, cleaning up pig shit and digging in the dirt.” Making things grow. Spending the afternoon with the sun on my back. Chasing down cattle with Kieren and then scolding Andry for leaving a gate unlatched.

Broderic shakes his head. “You don’t mean that.”