Page 48 of Harbinger

I can’t bear to finish the sentence.

“She’s right.” Shadows mask Bishop’s face. “When people realize that she’s left Wintour, they will come to Damalis.”

I want to vomit.

“Who will come?” Kieren asks. “No one’s ever cared about the Icaros patronage. They just think Arden is some stupid omen.”

There’s so much he doesn’t know.

“And they will come looking for her in Damalis. I’ve already ordered troops to be stationed in the province. It will take them a few days to arrive.” Bishop nods to Kieren. “It’s best if someone travels with your family.”

I squeeze Kieren’s hands tightly. “Stay with them,” I beg. “Stay with her.”

His mouth presses into a firm line as I hit his biggest weakness. Finally, he tilts his head. “If that’s what you want.”

But I don’t want this. I want him to come with me. I want to go with him. I choke that desire back along with the rest of my tears. “I do.” I nod. “I promise I’ll let you know when I’m settled.”

Bishop’s mouth twists, suggesting this promise will be up for discussion in the near future.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” Bishop says, then backs completely into the shadows.

“This is for the best,” I murmur, willing myself to believe it. “Stay with them. Keep them safe.”

Kieren doesn’t say a word.

“And tell Isidore how you feel.” This time, my voice breaks.

He releases a heavy sigh. “Then Broderic will kill me.”

“Regret will kill you faster.” I muster up a smile. “Besides, her marriage prospects just diminished significantly.”

Neither of us laughs.

“I’ll do this,” he says before lowering his voice. “But once the troops arrive and I can get some money together, I’m coming for you.”

And then he’ll never be safe. “Kieren, you belong in Damalis with your family.”

“You are my family,” he corrects me.

“But the others—”

“I’m nothing to them. Nothing.” He slumps back in the seat, his head falling forward from the weight of his confession. “You’re the only one who’s ever really seen me as family.”

I don’t know what to say. Don’t know how to convince him otherwise. Not when it’s clear he believes it.

“That’s not true,” I say weakly.

“We both know it is.” His answering smile is soft and resigned. But he squares his shoulders and reaches for the door. “Send word.”

He ducks out of the coach, and an emptiness spreads through me. He’s gone before I realize we didn’t say goodbye.

My hands shake as I cross them in my lap, fighting the urge to wrap them around my waist. I know now that I’ll never go home again. Not really. No matter what happens. Because home won’t be the same. I’ll see Broderic’s resentment. Remember Kieren’s confession. And they will both look at me as the one who abandoned them.

I can’t bring myself to move from the spot. Even when the carriage shakes as horses are hitched to it. Even when Bishop confers with someone in a low voice.

I’m still sitting in numb silence when he reappears by the coach door. “It’s time to go.”

I look out the other window.