Page 38 of This Reckless Home

He just hasn't admitted it yet. He’s probably scared. Every good thing we’ve ever had, and there aren’t fucking many, has been taken from us.

But he will.

And when he does?

That's when we'll have the conversation. All three of us.

Until then, Steele and I wait.

We've been waiting our whole lives for something like this.

For her.

A few more days won't kill us.

Probably.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“BEAUTY AND A FREAK” BY JOHN MICHAEL HOWELL

ANATOLE

Thursday afternoon and exhaustion drags at my bones as I jog up the path from the pool house to the main house. The shower I just took helped to get me clean and wake me up a little, but it was a long, hard day at the site and we had to work later than usual, so I wasn’t there when Jus got home from school like I normally am.

Walking up to the kitchen door, I pause, finding Blossom with my brother, and some old guy sat at the table, a laptop in front of them, papers strewn across the surface.

“Now Justin, this is your current balance for spending money,” the old guy says, showing something to my brother on the laptop. “And this,” he clicks onto a different screen. “This is your investment portfolio. It’s small, only half a month’s payment is currently in both, but as time goes on it’ll grow.”

I watch as Jus’s face lights up, and my chest tightens.

“This is all mine?” His voice, fuck, it’s so hesitant, like he can’t believe it.

“This is yours, Justin,” Blossom replies, placing a hand on his arm. “For now, and for your future.”

“Are you sure? It’s really mine?” The backs of my eyes prick. Fuck. He’s so young and yet he knows that things which seem too good usually aren’t. Not until Blossom anyway.

“It’s yours. I do this for every child.” She reaches beside her, handing him a plastic card. “And this is a prepaid card, with your monthly spending allowance on it. But remember, once it’s gone that’s it. There’s no more until the next payment. Oh, and I don’t think this works for online purchases.”

I watch Jus’s face. At the hope. The excitement. The security.

Everything I’ve been trying to give him for years.

Everything I’ve fucking failed to provide.

The weight of my own inadequacy crushes my chest, the walls of the house feeling like they’re bearing down above me.

I can’t breathe.

Need to get out.

So I do the one thing I know I can, turning around and walking away, my hands shaking as I try to take sucking gasps of air. I don’t know where I’m going, don’t fucking care.

All I do know is that I’m on the verge of losing the control I always have. Of falling apart and I can’t let Jus, let anyone see me.

Blinking, I realise I’ve come to the spot where Blossom and I pulled up that old tree. Where she looked up at me when I walked over like I was some kind of answer and not the fuck up problem I clearly am.

There’s a bench there now, the hole left from the tree gone and freshly turned soil with what I think are some kind of sticks in it that must be plants. Fuck if I know.