Page 74 of Exit Party

Do you understand what happened?

I was humiliated. I was humiliated and now my wife’s gone.

No, that’s not what I . . . I wasn’t asking about your feelings. I mean technically. The science. Do you understand what went wrong in the experiment?

No. Not at all. It’s inexplicable to me.

What else did you fear?

I don’t know if I should admit this to you.

Why not?

Because you’re Service.

Tell me.

I was afraid of becoming a ghost.

You mean a person who’s lost the rights normally accorded to a State citizen.

Yeah, like I said.

That’s a normal thing to fear.

This is . . . I’m sorry. This feels surreal. I can’t believe I’m being interrogated by my wife’s friend.

You’re being interrogated by a Service agent.

Right. Sorry. Of course.

Let’s return to the experiment. It’s the day of the experiment. You’re ready to begin. You have fears, but you’ve decided to proceed regardless. Then what?

Well, we were ready. The three of us—me, Saraya, and Nico—we were standing on the A platforms, ready to go. We were going to disappear from those platforms, and reappear instantaneously on the B platforms on the other side of the room. To make this extraordinary, historical thing happen, my colleague Len, who wasn’t teleporting, he just had to hit a sequence of switches on a control board. But on the other hand, we were doing something momentous, and, well, we wanted some kind of ceremony, I guess. So when we were ready, we stood there for a few seconds, just looking at each other, like we were unsure of how to begin. Then Len said, “How should we do this, friends? Count down from ten, or just surprise you?”

So I said, “Surprise me,” at the same time as Saraya said, “Count us down. We’re making history.” Then Nico said, “Wait, should we do this in groups? In case something goes wrong?”

I asked, “Why would anything go wrong?” and Nico said, “The extra mouse.”

What did she mean by that?

We did countless animal experiments. They were impeccable. One time, and one time only, we sent three mice across the room and four arrived on the other side. But I actually don’t think that’s what happened. I actually think we were just careless and miscounted.

You think that, or you want to think that?

Both? Can both things be true? The point is, Nico and I disagreed. She was adamant that she’d only put three mice on the platforms. None of the rest of us could be absolutely certain. It felt notable that that was an experiment we performed at the end of a very, very long day. It would’ve been very easy to miscount, that’s all I’m saying. That night when we’d run the experiment, when Nico thought there was an extra mouse, well, none of us were at our sharpest.

Go on.

We were all awkward for a moment, because Nico had gone on and on about the mouse, and none of the rest of us really wanted to argue with her again. We all thought she’d just miscounted, because we’d run the experiment a hundred times before and a hundred times after, so that was the most logical explanation. But finally Len said, “Well, why not? We can do this twice.”

Then what?

I stepped down off the platform. I didn’t even think twice. I didn’t want to go first. Nico glanced at me, and I felt . . . it was like she was done with me, in that moment, just like that. She could see I was a coward.

Do you need to take a moment to compose yourself?

No, I want to get this over with. I hate talking about this. I stepped off the platform, Len did the sequence, and they were gone. That’s it. Like they’d never been there. We stared at the B platforms, for like an impossibly long time, well past the point where they would’ve reappeared, and then I looked back at Len and he was crying. I told him to check the settings. I felt unhinged. My voice was an octave higher than it should’ve been. We checked the settings together, and they were perfect. Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be, but Nico and Saraya were just gone. Finally Len said, “Let’s try an object.”