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As was his way, Rocket sat silently on his bike, waiting for LJ to continue.
Throughout the two years he’d worked for Rocket, LJ had confided in his brother to a small extent. Though he had no desire to get into the weeds, LJ needed to unburden to someone. The lid would likely blow off his pressure cooker otherwise.
“Fell asleep with her for the first time. Almost made it through the whole night too. But I had the mother of all fucking nightmares. When I came around, I was face down on the floor with four fucking cops screaming in my face. Turns out, when they busted in, I was on top of Holly, choking her out.” He shook his head. His heart felt shredded. When the hell had his heart become such a strong part of the equation?
“Fuck,” was all Rocket said.
“Didn’t remember a thing. Still don’t. So now she’s been clocked in the face and fucking choked all because of me. I gotta go, brother. Need to put an end to it.”
“She want out?”
LJ shrugged. “Fuck if I know. Doesn’t matter. Way it’s gotta be.”
“It matters, brother. Things are fucked right now, and shit got out of control, but it matters. A good woman, a woman like Holly, she won’t leave because of that shit. She’ll make you work through it and hang by your side the entire ride. You think you feel bad now?” He snorted. “Wait until she gets you talking. You’ll feel like your insides were ripped out, beaten with a bat, and shoved back in all fucking lopsided. You’ll wanna crawl in a hole and fucking die. But then you’ll realize she hasn’t left. She’s still there, still holding you, still fucking you, still loving you. Then shit gets a little better. And the next day, a little better than that. Until one day, you realize you’d do anything, and I mean fucking anything to keep her tied to you. You’d rather die a million deaths than lose her. That’s what the love of a good woman will do for you.”
With wide eyes and a hanging jaw, LJ stared at the man he considered a brother. His words hit deep, digging down under LJ’s fears and planting a small seed of hope. “Fuuuck, Rocket. Didn’t know you could string that many words together at once.”
Rocket flipped him off with a grunt. “Don’t like to waste my air on bullshit. But I’ll give it to you straight when it’s important.”
“Appreciate it, brother.” He held a hand out toward Rocket.
With a rare smile, Rocket clasped LJ’s hand and pulled him close, bumping their chests and slapping LJ on the back. “Need me to follow you home?” he asked when they pulled apart.
“Nah.” LJ shook his head, shifting his gaze to the road leading home. The magnetic pull, the need to be in Holly’s presence grew exponentially with each word spoken. Was she home? In pain? Worried? Angry? Christ, was she afraid? The notion of her having a legitimate fear of him after the morning’s incident speared his heart. But it was a very real possibility. Something he deserved no matter how much it wounded him. Would she let him in, or would he arrive at a locked door and a barred heart? “Need the time to think a little. You head on home to your woman.”
“Never gonna argue with that.” They slapped hands again before Rocket said, “We’re ready when you want to take care of Schwartz.”
“Give me the day. I’ll be by the clubhouse tomorrow.”
Rocket nodded then fired up his bike. He rode off, leaving LJ alone, and he’d be lying if he said the silence wasn’t welcome. With heaviness in his chest, he spent the ride home trying to come up with a plan of action, a battle plan of sorts for when he saw Holly. In the end, after many failed attempts at devising a speech, he gave up. Go with the flow was more his style. So he’d shoot from the hip once he saw her.
Each time his boots hit the ground, he inched one step closer to Holly. By the time he reached the second floor, LJ had himself worked the fuck up. Was Holly even home? Maybe she’d gone to her parents’, or even her brother’s to get away from the drama.
For the first time in his entire life, LJ had the urge to bury his head in the sand and hide. What came next had the power to wreck him.
Before knocking on her door, he needed to get out of the too-small T-shirt and shower the events of the past fifteen hours away. At least he could remove the physical evidence of what went down. The extra scars on his soul would remain forever.
As LJ turned the key and pushed his door open, a low whine greeted him. “What?” He stepped in only to be greeted by a forceful nose to the crotch. He patted the dog’s big head, but his attention was elsewhere.
