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Don’t you dare, her logical, parent-loving, guilt-bearing side screamed.
He sighed. “We should have sat down and talked first. Especially after what happened last night. I meant what I said, Holly. I like you. Not just your body.”
You’re not just a fuck.
The words he didn’t voice were louder than the words he said. God, this would have been so much easier to do the night of the party, right after he left her hot and bothered in the hallway of the clubhouse. For those thirty minutes or so she’d thought he was an asshole. She could have walked away then. Not now when he worked to give her what she needed.
Clearly, she’d become quite proficient at lying to herself because if she could have walked away last night, she would have. Instead, she’d tracked him to his room and let him go down on her. Let him and loved it. Then she agreed they were a thing. And now that he was acting like the sweetest man on earth, she was having second thoughts.
She needed some serious help.
As she looked into those warm hazel eyes, Holly once again fell under his spell. She placed her hand in his and let him guide her to the blanket. LJ sat with his legs curled under his left side. Some inexplicable need to be close to him took over, so she knelt near him, her knees brushing his thigh. It was at that point she realized she still held her shirt to her chest, so she slipped it over her head.
“Well, that’s just mean,” LJ said, making her laugh. The light comment worked to get her out of her head and broke the thick tension in the air.
“Sorry, but I’m not talking to you while my boobs are hanging out. Especially not with that spotlight from your motorcycle on me.”
He chuckled. “Wine?”
“Yes. Fill it to the brim.” Anything that promised to relax her.
Another chuckle and he did as she asked, handing her a very full glass of the stolen wine. Silence fell between them, not necessarily awkward, but not quite as comfortable as it should have been.
Thanks to her and her little brain explosion a few moments ago.
Holly gulped a mouthful of wine then sighed. “So…you probably want to know what that was all about.”
“Did I hurt you?” he asked in a more serious tone than she’d heard from him to date.
“What?” Her forehead scrunched.
“Or scare you?”
She shook her head. “What are you talking about?”
After blowing out a breath, LJ said, “Nothing. Just checking.”
Holly took four large swallows of her wine. Liquid courage could only help her at this point. Even if she got drunk and acted a fool, nothing could top the mortification of making the man who’d been bringing her such intense pleasure worry he’d hurt her.
“You said you liked me. Really liked me.” She spoke in a low voice. “I’m not fishing, I just…” She shrugged.
He nodded and opened his mouth, but she held up a hand. “Wait, let me keep going before I chicken out.” When he nodded again, she continued, closing her eyes. Somehow this was easier to say without seeing his patient, compassionate expression. “LJ, I like you just as much. And not just all those hard, sexy, muscles—though they are stellar.” Her eyes opened and she sought his gaze. He deserved that much from her after the way he’d been so amazing post-Holly-freak-out. “I’m drawn to everything about you. How you make me feel safe and protected, your kindness and generosity, the way you are with your brothers and their women. All of it.” The light in her eyes dimmed. “But—”
“But it’s fucked from the start.” He respected her space, not touching her, and she wanted to beg for his hands. How unfair was that? Ask for his comfort while telling him they’d never work.
With a sigh, Holly nodded and turned her head, taking in the beauty of the space. The sprawling mountains should have captured her full attention, but too much weighed on her mind. Her hand came up to clasp the charm once again. “My sister who was killed, the one I t-told you about?” Just the mention of Joy brought a fresh surge of grief.
“Mm-hmm,” LJ said as he curled an arm around her waist and hauled her even closer. They sat facing each other, Holly on his left side with their thighs pressed together.
“She wasn’t just my sister. She was m-my twin. My identical twin,” she said as she averted her gaze. Saying the words took too much of her reserves. She might not have the strength to fight her connection to LJ and tell the gut-wrenching story at the same time.
But LJ seemed to have other plans. “Fuck,” he said as he cupped her cheek, turning her face toward his. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, sugar.”
