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Holly’s fingers shook as she shifted the car into gear then grabbed his hand. “If I ever hear that kind of garbage from your mouth again, not only will I withhold the treats, I’ll make you watch me eat your share.”
Without turning, he shook his head, but considering his state, she took it as a small victory. They had a lot to discuss. Holly only hoped their budding connection held up to this first test because she wasn’t ready to let go of LJ. This man who’d come to her rescue. This man who’d been so affected by her experience, he succumbed to a fight she hadn’t been aware he struggled with.
After she pulled into the lot at their apartment complex, Holly parked the monstrous truck next to LJ’s bike. Seeing as how it was her first day driving the thing, she figured the slightly off-kilter park job was good enough.
LJ, however, didn’t react. He just sat still, staring out the windshield, probably not seeing a thing.
“LJ?” Holly said. “We’re home.” She stroked a hand up and down his arm. “Let’s head on up.”
Still nothing. His lack of response no longer frightened her as it had when he’d been mid panic attack. He blinked, and breathed in a slow, steady pattern, but just seemed lost in whatever self-hatred he’d begun to engage in.
Holly frowned. “LJ, I’m beat.” And a little sore from being slammed against the hood of his truck, but she wasn’t about to tell him that. “How about we lounge on the couch and watch something mindless for the rest of the day?”
He turned to her then. “Let’s get you inside,” he said, and got moving. After he hopped out of the truck, he came around to her side.
God, this man. As soon as she mentioned a slight amount of fatigue, he forgot his own troubles and mobilized to help her.
Hand in hand, they walked up the stairs and into LJ’s apartment. Biscuit greeted them with licks and a wagging tail before plopping right back down on the extra-large dog bed LJ had purchased for his furry buddy.
“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” LJ asked her.
“Nah, just want to veg if that’s okay.”
“Sounds perfect.”
They moved to the couch, and LJ flipped the TV to some cooking show Holly would have normally been all over, but this subdued LJ had her so thrown, she couldn’t think of anything but drawing him out of the mental hole he’d crawled into.
From the outside, they looked like any couple cuddled up on the couch, enjoying a lazy Saturday afternoon. He wrapped his long arm securely around her. Holly’s head rested on his chest, legs draped over his lap. But neither spoke, and LJ seemed to be as lost in thought as she was.
After about twenty minutes of pretending to watch the TV, Holly reached her limit. “LJ,” she finally said, peering up at him. “We need to talk about what happened earlier. Both with Deputy Higgins and in the car afterward.”
He muted the TV then gazed down at her. “We can definitely revisit what happened with Higgins, but as for the other…” He shrugged. “It’s nothing. Just lost my temper over what happened to you.”
Holly straightened but didn’t move from her spot half on his lap. “That wasn’t a loss of temper. Screaming, punching the wall, throwing a vase…those are things people do when they lose their tempers. Being unable to breathe, shaking, and basically blacking out seems like signs of a severe panic attack.”
He shrugged then turned the sound back on the TV. “Don’t know what to tell you. Just know how fucking pissed Higgins made me.”
There he went, burrowing back into his mind and blocking her out. As hard as he tried to appear unaffected and nonchalant, his eyes reflected the pain and even worse, shame. He was so damn ashamed she’d seen him in that state. Any other time, being shut out in this manner would sting, but LJ’s reaction only made her more determined to draw him out.
She wanted him. Wanted to be with him on good days and the shitty ones. She’d take LJ any and every way she could get the man.
And it was time to prove that in a way he’d find impossible to resist, even after all that had happened today.
Holly stood, stripping her diner T-shirt over her head. Left in only a sunny yellow push-up bra, she took two steps forward until she stood between his spread legs. Then she lost the bra as well. LJ’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared. With his height, it’d be so easy for him to lean forward and taste her.
Both fists curled on his thighs as though he was fighting a battle to touch her. That wouldn’t work. She wanted his hands all over her, erasing the disgusting touch she’d endured from Higgins.
