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Vaughan could see the tension burning in her eyes, the bat of her lids as she blinked in disbelief at her own recall.
‘I thought at the time it was because he wanted to talk, wanted to open up some more and give some honest answers for the article. I never for a moment imagined he actually wanted to get to know me.’
‘How long did you see him for?’
‘A few months.’ Amelia gave a tight shrug. ‘Which, in the scheme of things, isn’t long at all. But when I fall, I fall…’
‘And you fell?’ Vaughan checked gently.
‘Hook, line and sinker. But…’ She took a deep breath, the shame and humiliation that she’d been so naïve burning as she retold her story. ‘But so did he. He was always asking me to come and watch him perform. But with work and everything more often than not I was too busy. One day I decided to surprise him. He was singing in Brisbane and I decided what the hell? So I jumped on a plane and headed over. His PA tried to stop me from going into his hotel room…but I went in anyway. I don’t think I have to spell out what I saw…’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘So was Taylor.’ Maybe she should have had some wine after all. Recalling this was too painful for a Tuesday afternoon. ‘Devastated, actually. And I think it was genuine. He’s just too used to having too much of a good thing and too weak to say no. He swore he’d never cheat on me again, and maybe he believed it—maybe he believed at the time he was speaking the truth. But by then it didn’t matter.’
‘No second chance?’
Amelia shook her head. ‘Not for that. I think I must have been the first woman to ever dump him. He still rings, still sends flowers, still tries to convince me he’s changed.’
‘What if he has?’
‘Too late.’ Amelia shook her head firmly, but she saw the flicker of doubt in his eyes and it annoyed her. ‘It’s over, Vaughan. How could I ever trust him again? How could I ever forgive him? It has to be over.’
‘But you still have feelings?’
Oh, she had feelings. Feelings so raw they hurt. But not for Taylor. She’d ripped him out of her mind as easily as a teenager tearing down a poster. Infidelity was the one sin she could never forgive. The hurt, pain and emotion were still there, yet she was learning to live with them. But, no, it wasn’t her feelings for Taylor that terrified her now. It was her feelings for Vaughan—the one man who could do it to her all over again if she let him. The one man who could snake into her heart, into her bed. And quite simply she couldn’t bear to let him in just to watch him leave, couldn’t begin to imagine moving on from the devastation he would surely wreak, couldn’t bear to build her world from ground zero all over again.
‘I’m not a popstar, Amelia.’
His voice was as gentle as she’d ever heard it. She could still feel the weight of his knees against hers, feel his dry, hot hand coiling around her fingers, tempting her back to the forbidden garden where only last night she’d strayed.
‘I’m just a guy in a suit…’
‘You know that you’re not.’ Tears glittered in her eyes. She felt as if she’d been swimming against the tide for ever, swimming towards a bobbing life raft in the ocean only to find out it was a shark. ‘We’re from different worlds, Vaughan. You just want what you can’t have, and I’m sorry if it sounds boring, but from a relationship I want more.’
‘Such as?’
‘Safety.’ Taking a deep breath, she laid it on the line. The fact that she’d only known him a few days was irrelevant when she was staring down the barrel of a gun aimed at her heart. ‘And if that sounds boring too then I make no apology. I’ve tried the fast lane and I didn’t like it. Next time I give my heart away, Vaughan, I want the lot—marriage, kids, a partner to stand shoulder to shoulder with. A man I can trust, not someone always on the lookout for the next good thing, not someone whose ego needs constantly massaging.’
‘And is anything on that list negotiable?’
She could see a muscle flickering in his cheek, feel the tension in his body, his knees pressing into hers more urgently as he awaited her answer.
‘I want the lot, Vaughan,’ Amelia repeated, shaking her head.
It was as if a pin had been pushed into a balloon. The tension in the air dispersed, and the pressure on her knees was removed as Vaughan flashed her a very false smile.
‘And you deserve it.’ For the longest time his eyes sought hers, before finally they dragged away. His guard was back up, the shutters firmly down, and whatever she had said to make him keep his distance had worked a charm, because it was a stranger on the other side of the table now. Every shred of intimacy was suddenly gone. ‘You deserve every bit of it, Amelia. Don’t settle for anything less.’
‘I won’t…’ Tears were pricking now, horrible hot tears she would never let him see.
Making her excuses, Amelia fled for the safety of the washroom, where she stared at her reflection in the mirror for an age, mentally scolding herself for daring to hope.
As if Vaughan wanted the same thing—as if allowing him to glimpse her dreams would mean for a moment that he wanted to share them.
Go for it, he’d basically told her. Only not with me.
Thank God for face powder, Amelia thought ruefully. And thank God for lipgloss to add sparkle to a rather strained smile. And as she made her way back to the table suddenly her mind was back on the job, her eyes narrowing in recognition as she watched a gentleman leaving the restaurant, eyes cast downwards, collar firmly up, clearly not wanting to be seen.
‘Everything okay?’
Perhaps sensing her distraction, Vaughan eyed her with concern as she sat back down at the table, watching as she pushed a nod while nibbling nervously on her bottom lip. Those delicious eyes were distant as her hands reached out for a glass of water.
‘You look as if you’ve just seen a ghost.’
CHAPTER SIX
‘WHAT the hell was Carter doing at the restaurant?’
The one time she actually needed to speak to Paul he was completely unavailable. It had taken the best part of forty-eight hours to finally get him on the line.
‘I have no idea.’ Paul sighed. ‘Perhaps he was hungry?’
‘Don’t play games with me, Paul.’
Two days of being put on hold and speaking into his message bank had taken its toll, coupled with the fact that, judging from the frenzied activities going on in the bar on the ground floor, her and Vaughan’s idea of a cocktail party clearly differed.
The tiny informal gathering Amelia had foolishly predicted was clearly way off the mark. Every time she had graced the foyer today she had been greeted with the sight of a closed-off area and endless staff carrying fresh flowers and boxes into its dark depths. Even Vaughan had swanned down to the hotel’s health spa in his white toweling robe—no doubt to have a shave and a facial and manicure, Amelia thought. If only she’d been able to pack Shelly!
Paul giving her the runaround wasn’t helping her already frazzled nerves, and now, throwing both caution and possibly her career to the wind, Amelia let rip along the phone line to Sydney.
‘Paul, we both know Carter’s barely human. Why would he need food when he survives solely on other people’s misery? Why didn’t he come over and introduce himself? I need to know what’s going on. I need to know what it is you’ve got on Vaughan.’
‘No, Amelia, you don’t.’ Paul’s voice was non-negotiable. ‘I know and that’s enough. You just do your job and let me do mine. Keep right on buttering him up and get what you can out of him.’
‘This isn’t Chinese Torture I’m playing at here, Paul. I’m writing an article on the man, for heaven’s sake, not preparing a case for the prosecution.’
‘Carter said that you two were very cosy in the restaurant.’ Completely unmoved by her vehement denial, Paul pushed harder. ‘What were you talking about?’
‘Nothing that would interest you, Paul.’
‘Try me,’ Paul insisted.
‘As I said, it’s nothing that would interest you, because we were actually talking about me.’
Replacing the receiver, Amelia saw that her hand was shaking. The horrible truth was starting to creep in. Her supposed big break hadn’t just fallen into her lap. It had been calculated every step of the way. Carter hadn’t hot-footed it to Canberra to follow the election trail. Thumbing through her pile of newspapers, Amelia confirmed what she already knew. Carter hadn’t filed a single report. He had disappeared so that Amelia would interview Vaughan.
Dragging in air, Amelia tried to make sense of it all, tried to conjure an explanation. But nothing was forthcoming. Picking up the telephone immediately when it buzzed again, hoping against hope that it was Paul with some answers, she jumped out of her guilty skin when she realised it was Vaughan, in an unusually relaxed mode.
‘The staff were wondering what time you’re coming down. You didn’t book a time.’
‘Coming down?’ Amelia frowned into the phone.
‘To the health spa. If you want to have a massage and your make-up done, you really ought to step on it!’
