Page 34 of Rescuing Mary

“I’ve lost him,” Mary said in a barely there whisper. “The only reason I caught his eye was because of Rayne. If he doesn’t know any of us, how can I make him love me again?”

Hollywood moved to the couch next to her and took Mary into his arms. For the first time since she’d heard the second diagnosis of cancer, Mary felt completely discouraged.

“He loved you from the first moment he saw you,” Hollywood told her. “And I have every confidence that he’ll get through this. He’ll remember.”

“You don’t know that,” Mary said.

“I do. Truck is stubborn, but so are you. And the rest of the team.”

“But if you aren’t supposed to expose him to people who might agitate him, how are you going to get him to remember?”

“I don’t know. We’re as shocked by this as you are, Mary. But I swear to you, we’re gonna figure this out.”

Something else Hollywood said finally settled in her brain. “If he’s supposed to come back here to his apartment, I’m going to have to move out, aren’t I?”

Hollywood sighed. “I’m sorry, but…yeah. Just for the short term. We’re hoping when he gets back here, his subconscious will kick in and he’ll remember all the time he spent with you here, and the rest of his memory will return.”

Mary looked around and winced. Over the last few months, she’d slowly moved most of her things here. There were pictures of her and Rayne on the walls. Her favorite books on the shelves. Her sheets were on their bed. Her hair stuff was in the shower. Even her favorite foods were in the cupboards. Thinking about removing every single thing from Truck’s apartment was extremely painful. Removing her very presence felt like a permanent step. An extremely agonizing one.

Hollywood went on, unaware of the blow he’d inadvertently dealt her. “The girls are going to come over to help later today. We don’t know when Truck and the others will return but we thought it’d be better to be prepared. Emily said you could stay at her place if you wanted.”

Mary shook her head, feeling numb. “No, I still have my apartment.”

She didn’t tell Hollywood that she’d planned to call her landlord and officially end her lease after she talked to Truck when he got home. It was silly to keep it when she was living with Truck full-time.

No need to do that now.

Hollywood’s phone vibrated in his pocket and Mary pulled back, giving him room to pull it out. He read the text and winced. “I have to go, Mare. That’s Kassie. She’s freaking out because she thinks Kate is making weird noises.”

Mary nodded. “Go. It’s fine.”

“I don’t want to leave you. Come with me.”

She immediately shook her head. Mary didn’t want to be around anyone. Especially not Kassie, who was blissfully happy with her new daughter. She loved the woman, but she couldn’t deal with that right now. Not when her own world was crumbling around her. “I’ll be fine.”

“Mary,” Hollywood chastised.

Mary didn’t like the note of pity she heard in his tone and straightened her spine, pulling the old Mary up from somewhere deep inside. “I’m fine. Seriously. Go. You have more things to worry about than me. You did your duty and told me what you had to. I’m sorry you got the short end of the stick on that, Hollywood. Sucks that you were here and not in Germany with the guys. I’ll just pack up my shit and get out of here. We both knew this was too good to last anyway. Truck deserves better than me.”

She was unprepared for the way Hollywood gripped her shoulders and turned her to face him. Or for the look of frustration on his face. “Don’t. Don’t pull out the bitch with me. Truck loves you, and I understand that I just laid some heavy shit on you and you’re trying to adjust, but I swear to God, me and the others are going to do everything possible to help him regain his memories. We need your help. Don’t give up on him so easily. You know if the tables were turned, he wouldn’t give up on you.”

“He only married me so I could use his insurance,” Mary protested weakly, knowing, even as she said it, that she didn’t really believe it. “It’s better that he doesn’t remember that.”

“Bullshit. I know this is your defense mechanism talking, but you don’t have to do that with me. I know you.”

Mary stood, dislodging Hollywood’s hands. She moved away from him until the small kitchen table was between them. “Believe me, he doesn’t need to remember all the nights he knelt behind me as I puked into the toilet. Or my hair falling out. Did you know when you go through chemo you can lose all your hair? Not just the stuff on your head. I didn’t care so much about the arm hair or my pubes, but losing my eyebrows and nose hairs sucked. You have no idea how much those little suckers do until you don’t have them. I sneezed all the time because of the shit that got into my nose and I sniffed so much I know people probably wondered if I was doing drugs. I won’t even get into how many nose bleeds I had as a result.”

Hollywood looked shocked, but Mary kept going. “I’ve been nothing but trouble for Truck. I’m not exactly the right kind of woman to be an Army spouse. I’ll eventually say the wrong thing to the wrong person and it’ll hurt his career. This is his chance to start over. Find a nice shy woman who’ll treat him gently and won’t be a pain in his ass. If he does eventually remember, he’ll probably be relieved to have gotten out of his marriage so easily.”

Hollywood shook his head in disappointment. “We hoped you’d feel differently.”

Mary was having a hard time feeling anything other than crushing despair. She was barely aware of his words. She just wanted him to go. In reply, she merely shrugged.

“I’m still going to call the others. They’ll be here in a few hours to help you pack and to help get you settled back into your apartment. I know you’re just trying to push me away, and I’m not going to let that happen. Put the bitch aside and fight for your man, Mary. He needs you.” And with that, Hollywood walked toward the front door. He unlocked it and turned to her before leaving. “Lock this behind me,” he ordered gently, then left.

The click of the door shutting was all it took to break Mary’s composure. She crumpled to the floor where she stood, although no tears fell from her eyes. She deserved Hollywood’s frustration. He had every right to be disappointed, but he’d actually gone pretty easy on her. As he’d pointed out, she’d unleashed the bitch, but it was to protect herself. She couldn’t deal with his pity.

She wanted Truck. Wanted him to put his arms around her and tell her that everything would be fine. But she wasn’t going to get that. Maybe not ever again.