Page 103 of Keeping Kara

Jen didn’t say anything, but Kara hoped what she was saying was sinking in.

“I think I was in denial right up until the moment he raped me,” she admitted quietly. “I thought I could reason with him. That we’d have a conversation, and I’d make him understand that we were better friends than anything else. Even after he’d kidnapped me. But then the evil came out, and I finally saw him for what he truly was. A monster. A serial killer. A woman-hater. A man who got off on violence. He made it his life’s mission to dupe women, Jen. And he had a PhD in that shit. The fact that either of us believed his lies is a blight on his soul, not ours.”

Jen sniffed, and Kara tightened her hold.

“You know what hurts the most?”

“What?”

“He made me feel beautiful. And it was all a lie to get to you. I’ve always been a freak. Never dated in high school, lost my virginity in college to a man who I found out afterward had won a bet for ‘fucking the freak in English class.’ I’ve had my wigs ripped off my head by mean girls who laughed hysterically afterward, been passed over for jobs, been ridiculed behind my back and to my face. I thought I’d finally found someone who loved me for me. Not for what I looked like.”

“I love you,” Kara told her. “As does Penny, and Zita, and Laryn, and Mandy. And I think if you opened your eyes, you’d see that there’s already a man in your life who, when he looks at you, doesn’t see superficial things. Instead, he sees how service-minded you are about helping others. How kind and generous you are. He sees the huge heart in your chest, and would do anything he could to protect that.”

Jen snorted. “Just because you’ve found love with Chaos doesn’t mean it’s out there for all of us.”

“Just because you’ve been duped by a master manipulator doesn’t mean every man is like him,” Kara fired back.

“He just feels bad that I got hurt.”

It was obvious Jen knew who Kara was talking about, which said a lot about her friend’s feelings. If she was truly clueless, she would’ve asked who the mystery man was. “Oh, he absolutely does. He freaking hates that you were hurt,” Kara agreed. “But that’s not enough for any man to do what he did. To spend every minute by your side in the hospital, talking to you until his voice was hoarse. To sleep in a massively uncomfortable cot in your room until you were discharged. Jen, honey, that’s not something a man does if he just wants to be friends.”

“I don’t want his pity.”

“And you don’t have it.”

“Right. It wasn’t until this happened that he took even a second glance at me.”

“He has reasons. At least, that’s what Chaos says.”

“Whatever.”

Kara sighed in frustration. She wished she knew more about Edge’s situation so she had the right words to comfort Jen right about now. “He does,” she insisted. “Something about his ex. And you of all people know how vindictive and mean women can be, thanks to your past. You think a man like Edge, or any of the Night Stalkers, would let anything stand in their way if they wanted something…unless it was something big? Huge? If there weren’t massive consequences if they acted on their desires?”

Jen was quiet in her arms, and Kara took that as a good sign that she was truly listening.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Jen. And it’s not as a friend. It’s almost…tortured. As if everything he’s ever wanted is right there in front of him, but he can’t reach for it. I’m not saying a relationship with the man would be easy, because I have a feeling whatever’s been holding him back, this situation with his ex, hasn’t gone away. And I think being with you could actually hurt him. But I also think he’s done letting that stop him.”

“Hurt him? How?” Jen asked, lifting her head.

The interest she was showing now was a huge improvement to the listlessness she’d displayed ever since Kara had walked into her bedroom.

“I honestly don’t know,” she admitted. “Chaos only mentioned that his ex-wife is crazy, and she’s been making Edge’s life hell. Knowing the kind of man he is, it’s easy to assume he wouldn’t want to expose you to someone like her. But, despite that, you also can’t deny that he’s a different man than he was before your ordeal. How many times has he been over here trying to see you?”

Jen’s head fell back onto Kara’s shoulder with a sigh. “Um…every day?”

Kara wasn’t exactly surprised by that answer. “Right. And how often does he text or call you now, compared to before?”

“He never texted or called before.”

“Exactly. The way I see it, you have a choice, Jen. You can choose to stay on the path you’ve been on. Pushing your friends away, hiding out, working yourself and Fred to the bone. Letting Nolan fucking Colins live in your head. Letting him win. Or you can tell him to fuck off, shove him out of your brain, and be the kick-ass wonder woman you were when you faked being dead, and when you wouldn’t let anything stop you from getting help for yourself and for me.”

Jen didn’t answer immediately. Then she let out a small chuckle. “Don’t hold back, tell me how you really feel.”

Kara smiled. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, I’m just sharing stuff I’ve figured out through my own traumatic experiences. What he did, it sticks with you. But you can give those memories power to continue to hurt you, to make you a victim, or you can deal with them and move on.”

“You have nightmares?” Jen asked.

“Yes.”