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And if they weren’t met then her family would not be seeing the child she was carrying.
It was suddenly as simple as that.
Her time with Zahid had made her stronger rather than weaker; his absolute honesty made it easier for Trinity to know her truth.
She was too numb to start mourning their relationship, too focused on getting through today to break down.
She put on the hotel robe and tied a towel round her head and was just sorting out the black clothes to wear for the spreading of the ashes later in the day when there was a knock at the door.
Assuming it was breakfast or someone to come and check the mini-bar before she let loose on the chocolate, Trinity opened the door without thinking and came face to face with a Zahid she had never seen.
Oh, she’d seen him angry on occasion but not once, despite all her shenanigans, despite all she had done, never, Trinity realised, had his anger been aimed at her.
It was now.
‘How did you know where I was?’
She stood back as he marched in and tossed down his case and there was the same start of surprise at the sight of him in robes that Trinity had felt when she’d seen her own reflection in the mirror at Heathrow.
In England she’d only ever seen him in a suit and being terribly polite.
‘Did you collude with my father?’ He towered over her and she tried to stand her ground.
‘I think “collude” is a bit of a strong word...’ Trinity attempted.
‘Did the two of you decide that you thought you knew what was best for me?’
‘No,’ Trinity said. ‘We thought, or rather I knew, you were struggling...’
‘Struggling?’ Zahid frowned. ‘What do you mean, struggling?’
‘With the decision—’ his temper wasn’t improving, she could hear his angry breathing ‘—as to my suitability, so I thought—’
‘You thought you’d make it easier for me?’
‘Yes.’
‘You thought you’d flirt with my father and pretend to be drunk and that that would improve matters?’ Zahid said, and Trinity swallowed. ‘You thought you that if you misbehaved I’d decide you were too much trouble?’
‘I guess.’
‘Why don’t we stop guessing?’
‘Zahid, the sex is amazing and all that but it’s not going to carry us—’
‘You think you’re so good in bed that you defy my logic?’
‘No,’ Trinity said. ‘Maybe.’
‘You think my judgement is skewed?’
‘A bit!’
‘What, because I don’t just say to hell with it, just because I don’t decide on a whim to discard everything I have ever believed in, without due thought, you assume I am struggling.’
No, but she could not tell him that without revealing her truth.
She just didn’t know how to tell him.
‘Is there anything else you haven’t told me?’
‘No.’
‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Completely.’
Zahid picked up her black clothes. ‘Where are you off to today?’
‘I haven’t made up my mind.’
‘Do you want to be my bride?’
‘No.’
‘I’ll take that as a yes,’ Zahid said, ‘because not one honest word has come from your lips since last night. Do you love me?’
‘Is it a yes-or-no answer only?’
‘Trinity!’
‘Yes.’ Trinity smiled. ‘Yes, Zahid, I love you, but given I’m clearly a compulsive liar...’
She did the wrong thing. Trinity started to laugh at her own joke. ‘Zahid,’ she yelped, ‘what are you—?’
She never got to finish.
Trinity had been tipped over his shoulder once before but it was different this time, she was being tipped over his knee.
‘What I should have done a long time ago,’ Zahid said. ‘Three times I have come back for you and still you doubt me. I tell you this much! I put up with your drama and your carry-on.’ His hand came down on her bottom through the thick dressing gown and Trinity shrieked, her hands moving to cover her bottom, but he brushed them away and gave her another slap.
‘You do not make decisions about us without speaking with me.’ His hand came down again and the wad of material was a hindrance so he ruched it up and brought his hand down on her bare pink cheeks. It stung, it hurt, but the passion that came with the delivery felt delicious to Trinity as he slapped her again.
‘You do not lie to me,’ he said, as his hand went to come down again and then stilled. Zahid halted, barely able to breathe as he looked down at her red bottom and realised for the first time he was out of control. ‘Trinity...’ His hand was in mid-air and he waited for her to shout, to tell him what a sick bastard he was, and then he heard her voice.
‘One more, Captain.’
He rarely laughed and he’d never thought he’d be laughing this morning. He was angry, though, still angry as he tipped her off his knee and onto the bed.
‘I nearly came,’ Trinity said. She was lying there, smiling up at him, watching as he stripped, and nothing was going to tame her and nothing could in this moment tame him.
‘You are impossible,’ he said to a very over-excited Trinity.
‘You chose impossible,’ Trinity said. ‘Can we talk about this later?’
It wouldn’t be much later for he was over her, and he did not need to part her legs for they wrapped around his hips in glee as his mouth crushed hers.
‘The last one was true,’ Trinity said, as he bucked inside her.
‘I know.’
‘How?’ she begged as he as he thrust deeper. ‘How do you know I love you?’
‘Because...’ His words halted as the sob from Trinity and the throb of her around him told him she might not hear his words, but he said them anyway. ‘Because of this.’ His answer released into her and it really was a simple as that, for with no one, ever, could it be so lovely. Only Zahid could right a million wrongs.
‘Never leave me,’ Trinity said, as he collapsed onto her.
‘I never will.’
‘I’ll get things wrong.’
‘Oh, I am sure you will.’
‘Your father...’
‘I have dealt with him,’ Zahid said. ‘You did not have to run away. Whatever our problems, we can work them out.’
Her eyes filled with tears because the reason that she had run was coming back to Trinity now; the reason for her terror was a secret she could no longer keep.
‘Is there anything you are keeping from me?’ Zahid said, only very gently this time.
‘Yes.’
Finally, Zahid thought, the truth.
‘I know you said it must never happen, I know I promised it wouldn’t...’ She could barely get the words out. ‘I’m pregnant.’
She waited for anger, a slap even, just as her mother had, but instead Zahid pulled her tighter in his arms.
‘That is why you left?’
Trinity nodded.
‘You felt you could not tell me?’ Zahid looked at her and how he rued that stupid slit-throat gesture he had made that day, given all that she had been through, and he answered for her. ‘Of course you thought you couldn’t.’
‘You’re not cross.’
‘I’m thrilled.’
Trinity wasn’t particularly used to anyone she loved being thrilled by her mistakes.
‘I am sad that you could not come and tell me but I understand why.’
‘Your father asked if I was trying to trap you,’ Trinity explained. ‘He saw us leaving the second palace.’
‘You got one of his pep talks!’ Zahid rolled his eyes. ‘Do I look trapped?’
Trinity shook her head. ‘I asked Layla about unplanned pregnancies and she said it could never happen...’
‘Layla has never been out of Ishla. Layla believes everything that is told to her simply because she does not know any different. My father wraps her in cotton wool and terrifies her with tales in the hope she will be too scared to ever make a mistake.’ Zahid looked at her. ‘How many times do I have to tell you that you can come to me?’
‘I know,’ Trinity said. ‘I was just too scared to in this.’
‘Never be scared to come to me.’
She looked at Zahid and knew she would never be scared again.
‘I want you as my wife,’ Zahid said. ‘The decision is actually a very easy one, yet I have forced myself to question it many times. I never wanted love, I thought it had destroyed my father, but I was wrong.’ He tried to explain better. ‘I love my country, I wanted a clear head to rule it, yet my head has never been clearer than it is now. You distract me in a way that is good. It makes me want change, to tackle issues that are difficult, to rule not just with my head but with my heart.’
‘What will the people say about the baby?’
‘Most will be thrilled, some will say we bring disgrace, others will know we are not so different from their own families...’ He smiled at Trinity. ‘Controversy is good,’ Zahid said. ‘It allows for discussion and I think you are going to be a very controversial queen but a very good one.’
‘What will your father say?’
‘I have been spending too much time with you because suddenly I have the strange compulsion to lie.’ He looked at her. ‘Shall we tell him after the wedding? Would that make things easier for you?’
