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“Yeah,” Shell said, her eyebrows drawing down.
Though she rarely spoke of it, Shell had felt the loss of a father through her teenage years. The strained relationship she had with Cindy now often had her feeling like her children were robbed of true grandparents. Beth was always welcome at Cindy’s house but Copper was not and since she began a relationship with him, Shell wasn’t comfortable at Cindy’s either. Her mother made no attempt to hide her disdain for the club and often spent her time with Shell trying to convince her daughter to leave the club. Copper was an incredible husband and father, so different from Sarge, but Cindy couldn’t see past her own experiences to be happy for her daughter.
It was a damn shame.
“Not like you and Copper.”
That had the woman she loved like a daughter perking up. “We are pretty perfect together, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, you sure are.”
“Like you and Viper.”
Would she ever get used to the painful stabs to her heart at the mention of his name? Would they fade with time? Would they disappear altogether?
Would she even want them to? Sometimes it seemed pain was preferable. At least it meant she remembered him and what they’d shared. Moving on meant stepping into the chasm of unknown and that scared the daylights out of Cassie. She was supposed to be living life with her man until they were frail and wrinkly, not starting life over again in her late fifties.
“Cassie? You okay?”
The look of concern on Shell’s face had Cassie rushing to reassure her. “I’m fine, sweetie.” With a pregnancy and husband running an MC in a time of crisis, the last thing she needed to deal with was worry her words had upset Cassie.
“It’s really hard, isn’t it?” Shell’s softly spoken question had Cassie’s throat thickening.
Hard? What a simple word for the complex sorrow and grief. If she had one wish for her friend, it’d be that Shell never had to experience this particular brand of pain.
“Yes.” With trembling fingers, she twirled the wedding band and engagement ring she’d been wearing on a chain around her neck ever since her fingers had become too slim to wear them. “Yes, it’s harder than I ever imagined it’d be. I miss him, Shell. I—” She swallowed a lump. “I think of him every time I breathe. Every time I blink. We were lucky. So damn lucky to have found each other and have had more than thirty years together. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just selfish to want more when so many people don’t come close to having what we did, but I can’t help it. I wasn’t ready and I want more. I want him back.”
Shell stood and came around to sit in Cassie’s side of the booth. She gathered Cassie close for a tight hug. Between them, her baby bump rested warm and secure, new life to counter loss.
“It’s not selfish, Cassie. He was stolen from you. Of course you weren’t ready. Of course you want more. You deserve more.” She choked out a sob that tore at Cassie’s heart. “We all want more time with him. He was an incredible man you couldn’t help but love.”
When in the throes of grief and loss, remembering she wasn’t the only one suffering became difficult. The reminder that Shell loved Viper and grieved almost as strongly as Cassie did, comforted her in a bizarre way. It helped her to remember she wasn’t alone. An overbearing, gruff, crass, and loving family stood behind her and would prop her up whenever she needed it. Cassie wasn’t above asking for help when necessary. Just the knowledge that this group of strong men and women had her back bolstered her strength. Then there was the love they all had for her husband. That was the greatest source of comfort for her. The devotion his club had to him meant he would never be forgotten. His life would never be taken for granted. His cut would hang in the chapel for generations and stories would be told about the man who devoted his life to the club, loved his family, adored his ol’ lady, and made the ultimate sacrifice to save the life of one of their own.
“Thank you,” Cassie said, holding Shell close. “He loved you just as much, you know.”
Shell nodded against Cassie’s shoulder which grew damp from her tears. “I know he did. He wasn’t shy about telling me.”
No. Her husband didn’t believe in making those he loved guess his feelings. He’d told her on more than one occasion that life was too short to forget to tell someone you loved them. Almost as if he’d known…
A throat clearing from a few feet away, had both weepy women separating. Normally, there’d be some sort of sexist comment made in jest about women and their periods or some nonsense, but the four men standing by the booth also grieved Viper’s loss. There’d be no snarky comments made at this time.
