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Wide-eyed, she shook her head.
“You’re not the only one playing with yourself at night. I just don’t have fun toys.” He winked as her cheeks turned pink. “But fucking isn’t all I want from you, Mak. I want more. So much more, which is one of the things we need to talk about. But the club’s protection stands whether you feel the same or not. I need you to understand that.”
Fuck, was she merely tolerating his touch as some way to ensure her family’s safety?
No. That was something his mother would have done, and he needed to learn to shift his thinking away from the shitty lessons she’d taught him. But still, a small lingering doubt poked at his brain.
He lifted her chin. “Baby, please tell me you’re here because you want to be, not because you feel you owe me something.”
She shook her head. “No. I would never. I want you too, Thunder. It’s just…” She sighed as though resigned to broaching a subject she’d rather not discuss. “Shell mentioned some stuff to me about your, um, relationships with women.”
If he’d been standing by a wall, he’d have whacked his forehead against it. He was starting this conversation in the red.
Thanks a fucking bunch, Shell.
Now he was the one sighing, only it was full of regret and frustration. “Let me guess, Shell let it slip that I fuck women for money. Usually, ones I dance for.”
Face bright red, Mak nodded. “Something like that.”
Thunder dragged a hand through his messy hair. “All right, I wanna tell you a little about how I grew up, but first, I need to tell you that I’ve never had a relationship. No girlfriend, no dates, nothing short or long term. Hell, I haven’t even had a steady fuck buddy.”
Mak’s mouth opened and closed like a fish on land. “Wha—but, that makes no sense.” Her nose wrinkled like she smelled something rancid. “You’re incredible. Thunder, you’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. But you’re also intelligent, and you’re sweet, and protective, and fun, and—”
“Babe…” He groaned. She couldn’t make this easy on him, could she? No, she had to be all adorable and make him want to kiss every inch of her. “The relationships I witnessed growing up made me uninterested in forming any kind of bond with a woman. But I can’t stop thinking about you. I want it with you. I want…this. What we did tonight. I want to hang out with your family then crawl into bed with you. I wanna open my eyes in the morning and see you next to me. I wanna take you out. I wanna make out with you at clubhouse parties, then spend all night fucking you only to do it again the next morning. I want to hold you when you’re sad, help you with the kids, and be as much a part of their lives as I am yours.”
He wanted to spend every moment making her smile and smiling back at her in return. The fear of having it crash and burn still in a spectacular explosion of pain and heartbreak lingered, but his desire for Makenna dominated it to the point he was willing to take the risk.
For the first time in his life, he understood why people risked it all for another.
“Holy shit,” she said on an exhale.
“I just want you, Mak. And I have no idea what I’m doing, or if I can make a relationship work, or if I should even try. But I want to.” He pressed his fist to his chest. “I want it so bad I ache with it. And I want it with you, only you. Shh.” He pressed a finger to her lips. “Don’t say anything yet. Let me tell you about where I come from. Then you can decide if you’re willing to take a chance on me.”
Then she’d probably run away screaming, but at least he’d have his answer.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
THUNDER’S WORDS WRAPPED themselves around her soul and unearthed a powerful desire buried so deep, she’d never allowed her mind to drift there. The things he wanted, being an integral part of her and her family’s life, holding her when she was down—twenty-three years, and no one had done that for her. Not once. The thought of having him as a permanent fixture to lean on, share responsibilities with, laugh with, and spend her nights tempted her beyond belief.
And that’s why she should put a stop to this. If she knew what was good for her, for both of them, she’d place her hand over his mouth to keep him from spilling his secrets, get dressed, and ask him to leave.
Not because she wanted him to go, but because it would spare them both so much pain and suffering later.
He wanted to try a relationship with her.
