Page 2 of Carnal

And I’d fallen for it.

“What if he gets convicted? Then you did this for nothing. You will definitely have no one—not even yourself.”

“I guess I won’t.” I wiped away a tear. We fell into a silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I turned to him. “You never told me when you figured it out.”

“I suspected the first night you came home with me. The way Hero reacted to you first set me off. I thought I was crazy at first, but then I paid attention and it was all the little things that gave you away. The way you bite your lip when you lie, the way you taste, the way you smell, the way you touch me.”

My heart ached. “I touch you like that because I love you. Can’t you see that?”

“What you think you feel for me isn’t love. It’s something darker. What you have for Joaquín is love.” He stood and turned to face me. “Now, tell me about your baby. Were you lying to me earlier tonight? Where is he? Is he mine?”

A lump grew in my throat. The truth. He deserved the truth. At least on this.

“He’s dead. I told you the truth. He was in the NICU and passed away, but I got an infection from my C-section, so I was in ICU when he died. I never even got to say goodbye. And honest to God, I don’t know if he was yours. I prayed he was, and I loved him even though I didn’t know for sure.”

“If he lived were you going to tell me?”

“Yes, of course. I was going to do a DNA test and if he was yours, I would’ve told you. I would never keep my son away from his father, well if he was yours and not the rapist’s.”

He swallowed and bit his lower lip, as if he were physically stopping himself from saying what he wanted to say. After a moment, he just shook his head and closed the small distance separating us.

He cupped my face in his hands and forced me to stare at him. “You were fucking raped and didn’t tell me?”

“I couldn’t tell you! You were deployed! And next I heard you were in the hospital.”

“You should have told me. Why didn’t you?”

“God, Grant.” I moved to pull away, but he held me in place, demanding answers with his eyes. “I don’t know. I’d been so stressed with you and Joaquín both deployed, and I just wanted one night to let loose and relax. So, I went to that stupid party with April and Dara and got so wasted. I still don’t know exactly what happened, but I think I was drugged. I woke up sore with my panties around my feet. I didn’t know what to do. Then, I found out you were home. You were injured, but you were home, and suddenly what happened to me didn’t really matter. A month later when I found out I was pregnant, I was so damn ashamed I couldn’t tell you and left instead.”

Maybe he didn’t believe me. As part of his SEAL training, he had perfected a poker face. I had no idea what he was thinking.

“How could you have not told me? I would’ve done anything for you. I was about to propose. I would’ve raised your baby no matter who his father was. Didn’t you know how much I loved you?”

I hadn’t been ready for this. I had practiced answers in my head for questions about my identity a thousand times. I’d spent the past two years burying my emotions deep in a place I couldn’t reach, a place where the memories of my parents lived.

“No, I didn’t. I knew you loved me but, no matter what you say now, Grant, you would’ve been livid that I’d been raped. It would’ve driven you insane. You would’ve hunted down the guy who did it and tortured him. I couldn’t let you ruin your life over what happened to me. I just wanted to forget it ever happened, and then I couldn’t.”

He sat back down and placed his head in his hands. “But if I hadn’t deployed, that wouldn’t have happened to you.”

“That’s ridiculous. It could’ve happened to me walking Hero or on my way to my car. A girl was attacked the other week at dog park. What happened to me wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault but the person who did it. Unfortunately, I don’t know who that person is.”

He shook his head, and I placed my hand on his face, attempting to force him to look at me and really see me. Mia, the girl he once loved.

The girl maybe one day he could love again.

“I’m sorry, and I love you. I never meant to hurt you—not then, not now. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.”

He pushed my hand off his face. “I will never forgive you for what you did.” He ground his teeth together and took a deep breath. I knew that he was shutting himself down. He got the answers he wanted and now it was back to the cold shoulder I had gotten when I showed up here begging for his help. Something inside me died a bit but I refused to let it show on the outside. I was stronger than that. “Now, it’s your turn to listen to me. I’m in control now. I call the shots. You’re going to do exactly what I say you’re going to do, or I’ll cut your access off to the Team. I’m going to stay with you until Joaquín is either convicted or released. But once his trial is over, I’m done with you. Do you hear me? I’m through. In fact, I never want to see you again. Are we clear?”

I gulped, my heart literally breaking inside my chest. “Crystal.” I fidgeted on the bed as anxiety pulsed through me. I couldn’t help staring at his naked chest. “Grant, I have one more question.”

“What?

“What just happened between us? The incredible sex? That’s over? You don’t want me?”

He let out a growl. “No, baby. I’m going to fuck you every night, all night, in all the ways I’d always wanted to. But it will only be fucking, because I’ll never love you again.”

He left the bedroom and slammed the bathroom door.

I should have expected that. I knew he hated me, I knew he wouldn’t just forgive me because of one night of amazing sex. I had crushed him when I left and, even though he would never admit it, he was crushed because of the baby and that I had lied to him. He had every right to be, too. In his eyes, I was a horrible person.

I could change that, though.

I could make him love me again the way I had always loved him. I would help clear Joaquín’s name and I could win back Grant.