Page 32 of Deadly Lust

Grant

“THEN DON’T. WE CAN MAKE this work. You know how much I love you.”

I pulled her against my chest. My head was still buzzing from our incredible sex. This time, my orgasm brought me a surprise.

I hadn’t just been fucking her or using her to get off. I cared more about her pleasure than my own.

I wanted to find my way back to the guy I had been when I was in love with her. I wanted the girl she had been when she was in love with me. I craved her. But I could never be with her if I couldn’t trust her. And I was balls deep inside her, I had just made love to her, and yet my anger over her lying to me wouldn’t quit. I might believe that she didn’t know our son was alive, but she had still made all those choices without me.

“Tell me everything. How was your pregnancy?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yeah.” There was a slice of cool air over me as she slid off my lap and curled against my side.

“It was great, actually. I was sick at first but felt better after the second trimester. He was growing perfectly, and I was really excited to be a mommy.”

I rubbed her arm. “When’s his birthday? Where was he born? What was his legal birth name?” I had so many questions, I unloaded them like rapid fire.

She gave me a small smile. “September 6. San Francisco General. Elías Joaquín Cruz.”

Joaquín? I flinched. She’d given our son her brother’s name. It pissed me off, but I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it.

“Do you have any records from the hospital?”

“Yeah. But not with me. They’re all in storage up in Marin.”

Note to self—time to go to Marin. “How did you support yourself?”

“It was tough doing it all alone. After I left you, I knew I couldn’t go to school full time once I had Elías, and I didn’t want to ask Joaquín for help since he didn’t know I was pregnant, so I moved to a small apartment in Marin. Got a job at Nordstrom’s as a makeup artist because they had medical benefits immediately after training.”

My chest constricted. “I have the best medical insurance.”

“I know. So many times I picked up the phone to call you. I was going to show up at your place with my small bump, beg you for forgiveness. But I wasn’t sure the baby was yours. I didn’t know if you would believe me about being raped, or if you would’ve thought I’d cheated on you. I didn’t know what to do…so I didn’t do anything. You don’t know how much I missed you. I was so alone, Grant. Just like I am now. But I never stopped loving you.”

“I know.” I pulled her tighter into my arms and kissed her tears away.

And in that moment, all my hatred for her washed away.

I believed her. I finally pulled my head out of my ass and, for the first time, could see things through the veil of my own anger. She only had me and Joaquín, but she had shut us both out. She had been raped. She was pregnant. I was injured—she felt she had no choice.

What must it have been like to go through that alone? The pregnancy, childbirth, getting sick and then losing him. And how could Joaquín abandon her knowing she had been raped? Had he known she was also pregnant?

I cupped her face with my hands. “I want to try to make our relationship work. I can’t promise you more than that right now. But I need you to be completely honest with me from here on out.”

She rapidly blinked. “Babe…really? I know we can find our way back to what we had. Maybe find something even better. If we can get through this, we can get through anything. I just need to know you forgive me.”

“I forgive you. You’re a strong woman. I know you were doing what you thought was best and didn’t want to burden me because I was in the hospital. Do I like it? No. I hate it with every fiber of my being, but I understand why you thought it was your only choice. I need you to promise me that if we do this, we do it together. No more lies or keeping stuff to yourself because you think it’s for the best.”

Her face brightened, and she nodded before pulling herself on top of me. We kissed like we were teenagers on a first date. A new beginning for us. Her eyes sparkled. I enjoyed making her happy.

We both got ready for bed and within a few minutes, Mia was fast asleep. But the sandman refused to pay me a visit.

Curry’s tiny meow beckoned me to the office. When I opened the door, I found her pacing around the room, probably desperate for some affection.

Curry rubbed my leg, so I picked her up and pet her until she purred. I prayed that my son was somewhere safe, and that I would be able to find and protect him.

I’d always loved animals, dogs more than cats, but it was still nice to imagine that my son shared my love for animals. I wondered what else we had in common. Was he competitive like me? Stubborn like his mom? Did he like being outside? I couldn’t wait to get to know my son.