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“I guess I have a lot of thinking to do, huh?”
She flashes a polite smile. “You’ll figure it out, and when you do, you’ll go after it. You have a few more months until you have to decide.”
What if I never do?
I’m so used to having my life planned out for me that I’ve never stopped to wonder where things are headed.
What am I going to do? Follow Killian or my sorority sisters wherever they go.
When I’m home, my parents control everything, and on campus and in my sorority house, Abby has say over that aspect of my life.
Even Killian has a say in it. He tells me where we’re going and when, and I’m always too eager to do as he requests. I don’t mind letting him coordinate our schedules, but I also never realized how much everyone in my life pulls the strings. It’s as if I’m here for the ride with no real say in anything that goes on around me. That needs to change. I have to make a plan for myself and stick to it. I’ve got to put my foot down with my parents, figure out what I’m doing with my life, and stop letting Killian move me in whatever direction he sees fit.
Bex cups her hands around her mouth and cheers for the Strickland Senators while I have no idea what’s going on. Before today, all I needed to know was the Senators wear navy-and-white uniforms but so does Penn State. So now, I’m super confused as to who’s where and if we’re even winning.
I can’t tell which players are skating in front of us. All I can see from this distance is the numbers on their backs. Killian is number seventy-six, and when I see him jump over the ledge where he was sitting with his team and onto the ice, a wave of excitement shoots through my body. I keep track of Killian and every move he makes, afraid to lose sight of him.
Bex had previously told me the players don’t spend much time on the ice. It’s not like other sports where they play for extended periods of time. So, I understand that Killian’s time is more limited, which makes it more important that I follow along.
A black dot slides across the ice so fast in his direction I can barely keep up. He taps the puck with his stick and skates down the ice switching it from one hand to another. I blink a few times to refocus, the black dot still visible, and when I do, Killian passes the puck to another player. It moves back and forth between Killian and his teammates as they try to dodge their opponents until number seventy-six has it again.
My man is good, that much I know from what people tell me about him. I wish I understood the game well enough to follow along, but no matter how much Bex tries to beat the information into my brain, it never registers. Hockey just doesn’t interest me the way it does her.
For Killian’s sake, I hope he can make his passion a career. His life is so dangerous and hard right now, I want him to get his big break with the NHL. I pray for him to find a way to make his dream a reality, which reminds me of what Bex just said. I’m always so focused on everyone else that my dreams get pushed aside. I’m a few months from graduating and still have no clue what I want to do with my life.
I’d always assumed I would become a journalist because that was the major I chose freshman year to annoy my father. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps and take finance followed by an MBA. But I have no desire to run a bank or a business. That was his vision for life, not mine. And I sure as hell can’t become a socialite like my mother. I have no desire to do any of the trivial and vain things she considers work as if she ever knew the meaning of the word.
A loud horn sounds throughout the rink, and by the looks of the crowd that goes go wild, the Senators have just scored. Bex and Taylor shoot up from their seats to cheer, and I follow suit, clapping my hands.
I feel so out of place among these sports lovers. The more I think about what Bex said, I wonder where I do fit in. I feel like no matter where I am, I can’t find any form of comfort, always on edge. Except when I’m with Killian. I can be myself when I’m with him because I can lower my guard. He doesn’t judge me. Killian makes me feel safe and loved. When we’re together, it’s as if no one on earth exists. The world and everything in it falls away until we’re lost in each other.
