Page 59 of No Ordinary Lady

Marian hastened to return the dress to the countess, overcome by the unwanted emotions assailing her. Yearning had always been in her nature, but her ambitions and dreams had changed markedly since coming to live here. They had grown to be impossible.

“I must return to Mrs. Nolan now.” And then she fled, but not to the drawing room, where Mrs. Nolan might see her tears and ask about them. Somewhere she felt safe.

She went to Danny’s bedchamber and slipped into his room. He wasn’t there, of course, but the smell of his cologne, and knowing he was not far away, comforted her.

She stepped to the side and slid to the floor behind the door in an untidy heap, covering her face as her emotions continued to overwhelm her. She should never have come to this place. Never have followed after a man from a family so obviously far above her.

But she had, and now she knew what was missing from her life, and it hurt so much to know it would be forever denied her. She missed her mother and father, not that she remembered them clearly. She missed the idea of them and the life she could have led had they not died, and her only choice was to go with her uncle, who’d made her a criminal.

If she’d had parents, she might have worn a pretty dress to mark her coming out to society, taken dance lessons like Gabby had, learned to embroider, to play the pianoforte, to mingle with the right sort of people and talk of nothing of importance all day long. To make a lasting good impression wherever she went and be happy, not knowing how lucky she was.

To be missed.

To deserve to wear a gown like Lady Scarsdale had just shown her, when she married a man who she loved with all her heart.

Marian had a lifetime of wants that could never be satisfied in her current situation. She was tainted by a past she’d no say in, and now with no hope of ever being good enough to make a match of the sort Gabby Kimble anticipated.

Marian wiped at her eyes angrily. Angry with herself. Angry with the world. Angry with Danny, although it wasn’t his fault because she had followed him home without an invitation of any sort.

She must put those impossible wants aside and concentrate on what she could have here and now and in the future.

Money.

She could earn it as a companion, or steal it.

Stealing was the only thing she’d ever been any good at. Her one true accomplishment.

She wiped at her eyes one last time and climbed to her feet, chastising herself for her moment of weakness and resolved to stop feeling sorry for herself. She never had been the sort of woman to resort to tears when thwarted. She knew what to do to make her dreams come true. What she always had to do.

She had to steal for her future, and to get out of this place tomorrow with enough money lining her pockets to take her far away from Danny and his proper life.

Living the life of a lady’s companion was making her sentimental and weak.

Vulnerable.

She couldn’t survive with regrets making her doubt her every action in the years ahead.

Yes, it was time to leave this gilded palace, and for that, she’d need as much coin as she could carry.

She studied the room in front of her and then began a careful, thorough search of every drawer, every book, nook, and cranny where money might be hidden away.

But Danny was as careless here as he had been at the inn where they’d met. She found enough coins littering the bottom of a desk drawer, in waistcoat pockets, even pound notes marking his place inside a book kept beside the bed to take her far away in her own hired coach if she wanted.

Really, a man who flaunts his wealth always deserved to have it taken away from him eventually.

And yet…she put every single coin and pound note back where she found it as she realized it had begun to rain. Reasoning she didn’t need it at that very moment when travel in such conditions would be difficult. She could and would steal from Danny when it was the right time, when the weather cleared, and hopefully before it turned for the worst again.

Knowing she could easily have the money she needed solved all her problems.

She would travel all the way to Portishead first, although Crossman might return there one day as well. But she couldn’t worry about that now, or him anymore. She would discover if she had any other family left in Portishead and then move on to greener pastures, where no one would know her.

She would then close the book on her past as a thief, her misdeeds, and remake herself into the sort of woman others held in the highest respect.

She had Lady Scarsdale to use as her example of how to behave in society and make a new name for herself. She was not like Miss Kimble, who expected love and romance and a husband to sweep her off her feet.

Not every woman had to marry, or have a family, either. If she was ever lonely, and could afford the expense, she could take in an orphan or two. Save them from a life of petty crime and protect them the way she should have been.

She didn’t really need a fancy wedding gown or family or even a husband to turn to when she was frightened or sad.