Page 63 of A Dangerous Bargain

I tried to split myself into neat little boxes to please everyone. A diligent artist for Verrocchio, a dutiful son for Mamma and brother for my sisters. I tried to be everything anyone wanted me to be without questioning why. If I kept all the careful pieces of my life separate, no one would see how empty I was inside.

Except… not everyone was fooled.

A pair of eyes the color of rich earth flash before me, the wry smile beneath.

I take in a long, shuddering breath that breaks into a moan.

Leonardo’s going to try to follow me. He’s going to think me kissing him is a promise when nothing could be further from the truth.

Verrocchio sighs and puts his mangled cap back on. “You were good, Virgil. If things had worked out differently, you could’ve been great.”

I watch Verrocchio leave, my insides numb.

He’s right.

I could’ve been a lot of things. Now I’ve got no time to be any of them.

Leonardo slowly inches out from a corner ahead, racing over when he sees Verrocchio’s gone. He gasps at the sight of me, the worry in his face gutting. “Are you—”

“I’m leaving.”

He stumbles back at the bluntness of my words. “Right. That’s all right, then. I’ll get my stuff—”

“I’m going alone.” Even though saying it feels like swallowing a bowl of nails. Even though following through on it will feel like walking with one in the middle of my bare foot all way to Casa delle Volpi.

Leonardo’s skin goes milk-pale under his freckles. “If Verrocchio fired you for this, he’ll fire me, too.”

“He won’t!” A tempest tears through me, a vortex of shame, anger, and fear. I need him to stay away. “We all know you’re the person he really wants. You always are.”

I don’t need the workshop anymore, but Leonardo does. He needs to build a life with someone who’ll be there for him, not some boy who already has one foot in his grave. It was stupid to kiss him: It could only end with me hurting him. “We can stop pretending we mean something to each other.”

For the first time ever, I’ve shocked him. His catches himself on the wall as if he can’t trust his legs. “You really are leaving,” he whispers. “Why?”

A single, breathless word with so many answers. He knows this isn’t about me being fired. Because you deserve more. Because I’m running out of time, and I don’t want you to see what happens to me. Because I fuck everything up, and if you come with me, I’ll fuck you up too.

Instead I go with the far crueler truth. “Because I want to.”

Leonardo makes a quiet, wounded noise and finally stumbles out of my way. I wait until I’m charging past him to scrub the tears blurring my vision.

By the time I gather the courage to look back at the end of the block, he’s gone.

Just like I wanted.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

The fox statues outside Casa delle Volpi fill me with a familiar sinking feeling.

But the silence after I knock? That’s far worse.

I rap my knuckles again and wait, a high anxious whine in my head. The satchel with my pathetically few things bites into my shoulder, heavier than it has any right to feel. Giorgio caught up with me before I crossed the Arno River, his eyes wide like was seeing a ghost. Carrying the bag feels like lugging home all of my failures and disappointments. Every time I close my eyes, Leonardo’s pale, shocked face is there. Knowing I’ve hurt him weighs on me heaviest of all.

The door cracks open.

“Virgil!” Giovannia hisses. “We expected you here an hour ago.”

They… did? For one horrible moment, I fear Verrocchio has met with my mother and discussed what an utter disappointment I’ve been, but no, he wouldn’t. Verrocchio isn’t one of my old tutors who tattled to Father every time I misspelled the Roman emperor Titus as “tits.”

“Right. Where should I go?”