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sip from her cup, she readies herself and begins, “You know the joke that starts with a priest walks into a bar, and the punch line is something stupid but still funny? Well, how about a romance writer walks into a coffee shop and runs into her one-night stand? What do you—“
I hold out my hand to silence her and interrupt her train of thought. “You’re pretending this happened to you for the article?”
“Don’t act so surprised, K. It’s not like I haven’t had enough awkward encounters with men I had sex with. I just didn’t have the misfortune of sharing the same morning coffee shop with them.”
“Carrie had to change Starbucks to get away from him. How she hadn’t seen him before they got it on is beyond me. I mean, seriously. How do you both get your morning coffee at the exact same time every day and not run into each other at least once until a week after they had sex?”
“He forgot to call,” I snort. “More like he had never planned to call. Guys almost never call after you sleep with them on the first date.”
“Not true,” Sydney interjects. “I’ve had plenty of guys call me the next day or at least within three days of hooking up.”
“But you’ve also had your fair share that,” I say this part in air quotes, “lost your number.”
“Maybe I didn’t give it.” She turns her head away from me, her tone defensive. “If you ever put yourself out there, you would see for yourself how hard it is to find a decent man in this city.”
Sydney is the kind of pretty you stop on the street to take a second glance. And she’s one of those lucky girls who’s curvy and thin with big boobs and the whole package. If we weren’t friends, I would probably want to add food dye to her shampoo or do something to make her less amazing. But I bet she’d still be pretty even with rainbow colored hair and food stuck to her face. As if her looks weren’t enough to sell you, she has the kind of personality that fills an entire room, captivating everyone in it, her presence felt by everyone around her.
I always feel as though I am the weird friend because I’d rather stay in on the weekend and marathon Harry Potter movies and read a book than going to a club. With Sydney in the same room, it’s not easy to stand out, especially when men are around. They flock to her, enamored by her witty, funny banter, and she flirts with anyone who will talk to her—women included.
As another light bulb goes off in my head, I turn to face Sydney. “What if we did a little experiment for our followers?”
She arches an eyebrow at me. “What kind? Like a dating experiment?”
“Yeah. You’re a knockout but what if you were less appealing? Would you have a harder time finding a man?”
Laughing, she brushes her curls over her shoulder, perfection in every way. “I am not a knockout. You just don’t let men see you. You’re always hiding behind a notepad or a computer screen because you had no idea how pretty and desired you are to men.”
I roll my eyes and blow out a puff of air. “That’s a complete lie, and you know it. If a man saw the two of us walking down the street together, they would come over to me first to test the waters with you. Trust me. I have been there more times than I can even count. Guys always act like they like me when they’re trying to get to you.”
She shakes her head, frowning. “That’s a lie. Do you remember Justin Marks from high school? He talked to you because he liked you, but you wouldn’t even give him the time of day.”
“He was trying to steal my chem notes and find out info on you.” My tone is more defensive.
“Nope. He wasn’t sure how to approach you, so he thought using school would work and—”
“But you dated Justin for six months, which proves he was using me to get to you.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “You wish. We had gotten together because you blew Justin off so many times. I had no idea he was into you at first, not until right before we broke up. After he had told me, I felt like I was breaking our girl code and dumped his sorry ass.”
Justin was our star quarterback and one of the hottest guys in our class. Shock doesn’t even cover the emotions I feel over Sydney’s revelation. I never gave him a chance to utter more than a few words because I thought he was trying to get in her pants. “How come you didn’t tell me?”
She shrugs and sinks deeper into the couch cushions. “I don’t know. I was afraid you would think I was a man stealer even though I had no clue that he liked you. He would joke around with you, but he did that with everyone, and I guess I never read much into it until he confessed. He said he was glad that liking you led him to me. That didn’t sit well with me, ya know? I don’t mean that in a negative way. It’s just our relationship, and his feelings for me all of a sudden didn’t seem real to me anymore.”
“I still don’t get why he liked me over you.”
“Are you that oblivious?” She flashes a wicked smile in my direction. “You were the super smart girl who knew the answer in every class, but you were also on varsity field hockey and softball. Whether you realize it or not, most guys, especially those that play a sport, would rather hook up with the sexy, sporty girl than the airhead. With you, they can have an actual conversation and not want to blow their brains out.”
“But you’re smart, Syd, and you’re a famous romance author with millions of fans. You didn’t get there because you’re a dipshit.”
“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” she says, laughing. Everything is always a joke with her even her success. She still thinks someone is punking her and that all her literary appeal will disappear over night. “I guess my brand of smut is just right.”
“Anyway,” I say, changing the subject, “what do you think about the experiment idea? Our fans would eat that shit up.”
“It’s a brilliant idea, but I think we should use you as the test subject. What if we tested out whether men are more attracted to inner beauty over outer beauty?”
I sit up straight on the couch, interested in what she has in mind. “Keep going. This I have to hear.”
She scoots closer to me and leans back so that our shoulders are touching and locks onto me with her bright green eyes. “Okay, what if we made you an ugly duckling?”
