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Sydney wants me to open up to her and has mentioned it on multiple occasions. She has no idea how much pain I will have to endure all over again by talking about those things with her. I wish I was normal and could tell her everything. But that sort of trust takes a lot of time and patience.
We lock eyes for a few seconds, staring at each other as if we can read the other’s mind.
At this stage in our friendship, Tyler and I can communicate without speaking.
He knows what I’m thinking about, same as how I know he’s panicked that he will lose either a part of himself or his girlfriend and child if this doesn’t work out. I know the doubt is there because of my own issues. Moving on is not easy when the past consumes the present.
“Kennedy is a good girl,” Tyler finally says, breaking our staring contest. “She’s not going anywhere, and neither is our child. I’ll make sure of it.”
“How do you plan to do that? Keep her locked up in the basement?”
He laughs so hard he snorts. “No, stupid. This time, I will do everything the right way. Kennedy and this baby come first, even before hockey. Things are going to change for the better. Maybe this is what I needed in my life all along.”
“So, what happens now? Are you going to ask her to marry you?”
“I already did, and she turned me down.” He shakes his head, annoyed, but with a somewhat amused expression on his face. “Kennedy keeps me on my toes. She’s so different from any of the girls I ever dated, even more so than Payton.”
“Isn’t it every girl’s dream to get married? I can’t believe she told you no.”
“I’m not all that shocked, to be honest. Kennedy is not like most girls. I have no doubt that she wants to get married, and I understand why she wants to wait.”
“What was her reason?” This I am dying to hear.
“She didn’t want me to ask her only because she was pregnant. I guess doing it the way I did wasn’t special. I didn’t have a ring, she had just told me she was pregnant. I suppose I could have picked a better time to ask. It’s not like I didn't already think that Kennedy is the one I want to marry before she told me about the baby. I mean, you know how big of a step it was for me when I asked her to move into my house.”
“Oh, I know. That was huge for you. I still can’t believe how fast everything progressed with you guys. It was like you met Kennedy one day and the next she was moving into this house. The last few months flew by, didn’t they?”
He nods. “Yup. Even though I feel as if I’ve known Kennedy my entire life, it’s not a lot of time to fall in love and have a child with someone. But I love her and that baby. That’s all that matters to me.”
Hearing Tyler talk about this like an adult not only shocks the hell out of me but also makes me wonder if I am wasting my time with Sydney. She continues to play games with me because she gets off on it, likes to see me suffer. But does she even want more than what we have? I was never in the headspace for a girlfriend before. At least not one that lasted longer than a few weeks.
After spending so much time with her, I realize I don’t know Sydney as well as I should. I need to either let her into my life or kick her out of it. No matter what, I need to make a decision. My best friend is slipping away from me more each day. He’s growing up in ways I never thought possible. This baby changes everything.
“I’m happy for you, Tyler. Congratulations.” I flash a genuine smile in his direction. “You had so much darkness in your life and for way too long.”
“Thanks, man.” He nods his head, smiling. “Light in the darkness. Right?” I’m surprised he uses my own words against me. “We needed to grow up at some point. Maybe it’s time for you to settle down, too.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I say, glancing down at the script tattoo on my wrist, mulling over his comment about my ink.
Sydney wonders what the words mean to me. I wish it were that simple. If it were one thing to go over, that would be easier to deal, but the beginning of that story only scratches the surface. And I’m afraid she’ll never look at me the same way again once she knows the truth.
What if she changes her mind about me after I tell her everything that has happened to me? Or worse…what if she thinks I’m weak?
The thought of Sydney having pity on me, leading to a pity fuck because of it, sickens me. She might even think I used some sob story to get into her pants. That I made it all up for her benefit. If she does, she wouldn’t be the first. Sydney already knows I want to claim her pussy, as promised. So, it should be no surprise that what I tell her is real and from the heart.
Except everything is a game to Sydney. She enjoys making me suffer too much to allow me to become comfortable around her. The one time she shared part of herself I went and ruined it because I was too unsure of myself to give her what she wanted. All she had asked about were my tattoos, and even that was too much for me. Now, she suspects there’s some hidden meaning behind my tattoos. She’s right. And that’s without having seen the ones on my back. If she had seen those, we would’ve had an entirely different discussion, one I couldn’t begin to explain.
It might be time to pull the plug on this relationship, call it quits. If I ever want something more than just sex, I need to start over with someone else. Because seeing Tyler become a new man gives me hope. It also makes me want what Tyler found in Kennedy. And I cannot see that happening with Sydney, not when she insists on playing games with my heart.
Chapter 9
Sydney
Strolling through the hallway at Penn Publishing, I check my cell phone once more before I get to my editor’s office. Carter still hasn’t called me. It has been weeks since we last spoke. He vanished like a puff of smoke, never to be heard from again.
He said we would hang out so we could finish what we had started. Men lie, and so does Carter. I waited around for his call and heard nothing. No Carter and no plans. My weekend is open, thanks to him. It’s Friday, which should be our date night.
I was ready and willing to lower my guard and give Carter what he wants. Because I want him, just as much, if not more, than he wants me. My big guy has thrown in the towel on our little game. I thought this one would last. I’m hardly ever wrong about men and sex. Apparently, I misjudged Carter Donovan.
