Page 142 of Whispered Promises

I can’t breathe.

Entering my flat, there’s momentary relief that Steph’s still away at her girlfriend’s as I shut the door behind me, the echoing thud releasing the floodgates of my pain. My tears fall in a torrent, and I sink to the floor.

Maybe it would’ve been easier if I hadn’t let them in, if I’d kept myself safe behind my walls. But I was foolish. Foolish enough to let not just one person in, but four.

Realising my mistake, another wave of pain cascades through me. I know they didn’t intentionally cause me pain, but their actions showed they weren’t thinking about my feelings. They steamrolled through and made decisions for me. Like I don’t matter.

I thought they all saw me, that they respected and really accepted all of me.

Their actions spoke louder than their words, and it showed that perhaps we can’t work out, that it really isn’t possible to have it all.

Using the sleeve of my jumper, I harshly wipe away the tears, trying to push down the panic trying to surge back over the thought of being homeless and jobless.

I hate crying. I hate how weak it makes me feel. But the tears won't stop. The aching pain buried deep inside my chest won’t stop.

I can’t see a way out of this, to keep going when life keeps knocking me back down.

SIXTY-TWO

NATE

The door slams shut, cutting Rosy off from us as she leaves. Silence cracks through the air, and it’s suffocating.

Bry spins around, his usually calm face furious as he strides up to me, a sharp finger stabbing into my chest. “This is your fault, Nate. We’re in this mess because of you.”

I say nothing. The guilt’s eating me alive. I pushed too hard. Let my anger and drive to protect her outweigh her feelings. A glance reveals Max with his head bent, eyes squeezed shut as his fists clench at his sides.

I did this to all of them. Not just Rosy.

Frustration builds inside of me.

“You couldn’t just leave it. You had to push. We were supposed to go there and talk reasonably with him. Now the woman we love just left here in tears, needing space from us all.”

His accusation adds fuel to the already roaring bonfire, and I snap, shoving him back. He stumbles, arms waving to catch his balance, and guilt clenches my chest.

This is what got us in this fucking mess.

Taking a breath, I try to push it down, but my gut churns and aches.

“Hey.” Noah steps in, arms stretched out placatingly. “Fighting and throwing around blame isn’t going to get us anywhere. We all could’ve done things better, and we all went over there. We need to respect that she asked for a bit of space; so we need to give her that.” He blows out a low breath, arms dropping back down to his sides. “Even if we don’t want to.”

The logical side of me agrees, but the possessive beast snarls in response, wanting to hold her until she’s no longer upset and crying.

Fuck, it’s exhausting battling the two sides.

“How long?”

Noah drops into his chair, head tilting back as he rubs a hand across his jaw. “I don’t know. Can’t say I’ve ever been in this situation before. Usually, I can approach things methodically, but Rosy tends to throw all reason out the window and make you lead with your heart instead of your head. But at the least, a day, perhaps two, before one of us should try to check in.”

Inhaling a giant breath, my eyes fall closed as I try to calm the angry maelstrom inside me. Two fucking days of not knowing if she’s okay. Of not seeing her. Speaking to her. What if something happens and she needs me?

A knot of dread builds in my throat. Feels hard to breathe.

Why can’t I fucking breathe?

Who the fuck took my air?

I can’t⁠—