Page 48 of Whispered Promises

Is something broken inside me, that I need not one boyfriend but multiple to be satisfied? I mentally scoff at the label. I don’t even have one boyfriend, so forget wanting more.

But what will they all think if they knew I liked them?

Nate seems interested; he’s kissed me multiple times…but can I continue growing a relationship with him when I feel something for the others?

It might just be a fleeting interest, though. It will fade.

It has to.

That thought should reassure me; instead there’s a sense of loss, even though we don’t have anything to begin with.

Argh, messy thoughts.

The world spins, and suddenly I’m facing Nate.

Nate and his narrowed intensity and pursed lips. He’d be frightening if I didn’t recognise by now that it’s worry for me.

“Are they busy? What do you need?” His hand strokes my forehead, indicating my thoughts, and my heart clenches so hard it takes a second to remember how to breathe…because he remembered.

Indecision floods me, because I’m unused to relying on someone. I could lean on Nanna for some things, and I can even talk about parts of me to Steph. But I’ve always held back, because in the moments I’ve tried to let someone in, they just seem to slam the door in my face and not come back.

Being rejected like that, by both friends and crushes, time and time again, has a lingering effect on your self-esteem and even the opinions you have about yourself. I know I’m an emotional burden, which most people wouldn’t want to shoulder.

I’m not spontaneous, adventurous, or even daring. Instead, I’m nice. I’m kind.

But if I keep blocking people’s attempts to really get to know me, will I ever be satisfied with something surface level? With constantly masking and pretending I’m thriving when I’m not?

“Tell me?” he tries again, and for some reason it has my body sagging.

Exhaling, I let down some of my guard. “Just a little overwhelmed.”

It’s embarrassing to admit, and the need to claw back the words surges through me. I don’t want to burden him, to let him see what it’s like inside my head.

“What can I do? Do you want to talk?”

Definitely not. I can’t imagine telling him about my confused feelings for his friends. A sure way to have him walk away and never speak to me again. I might want to let him get to know the real me, but being open right now will get another metaphorical door slammed in my face.

“A hug?”

Nodding, he tugs me to my feet. “Can do that.”

Wrapping his thick, warm arms around me, he pulls me into his embrace.

Shit, I didn’t anticipate how good his hugs would feel. He surrounds me. Warmth seeps in, and his steady heartbeat draws my focus, relaxing me in a way I hadn’t thought possible.

I’ve never been a hugger. This might change things, though.

I’m converted. Give me all the hugs.

“So…group hug?” Max’s voice tickles the back of my neck as he wraps his arms around us, not waiting for a response.

My body sighs in relief. Having them both enclosing me like this is pure bliss. If it weren’t for the two of them propping me up, I’d be a comatose puddle on the floor.

However, Nate tenses against me, and it has my limbs stiffening back up.

“Relax, honeybee. Nate’s just not used to hugging. But we can get him used to them. Ain’t that right, you grizzly bear?”

I’m sandwiched between them, with my face pressed into Nate’s chest, so I’m not tall enough to see them looking at each other. But I know they are, I can feel it.