Page 12 of Weddings, Revenge & Fake Dating

“After we got here, Edwin decided on cremation. We’re spreading Mildred’s ashes on the beach. Can’t you see it? Beautiful sunset, swaying palm trees, dolphins swimming in the distance.”

She jazz-hands the air like she’s presenting a tropical-themed sideshow.

“We loaded you and Mildred’s coffin into Edwin’s private jet and flew down yesterday. Don’t you remember? Besides, funerals are cheaper in Florida.”

“I heard they do it in bulk here,” I deadpan. “Exactly how trashed was I?”

“You said you wanted Roman back. That’s pretty trashed in my book.” She stands beside me and plays with my hair, tugging out several more colorful hairpieces. She drops them onto the bed like she’s pulling weeds from her garden.

I shrink deeper.

Mom zigzags the room and returns with a glass of water and an aspirin. I take the offering, praying it will quell the hangover. Even better if it can wipe the last few years from my mind.

“I talked to Roman this morning.” I set the glass on the nightstand.

“I thought I heard a war brewing.” Mom sits, and her knees peek out the slit of her dress. The low V-cut of her top shows her papery cleavage, along with her newly lifted C-cups, courtesy of her last man-toy. She might have gotten a butt lift too if she hadn’t broken his heart.

“It was more like Armageddon.” I curl back onto my side. Guilt pangs when I think of Dex.

“What’s the game plan now, snickerdoodle?” Mom kicks off her embellished sandals.

“There’s been a very bad development.” My cheek presses into a pillow, garbling my words.

“Oh, let me guess. Roman and Dex found out you’re here to crash the wedding, and they’re pissed. And Sophia? For some reason, she’s ecstatic.”

“Are you psychic now?” I scrunch my nose, terrified at the thought.

“Ran into them downstairs. The little blond twat had the nerve to give me a hug and ramble some incoherent rubbish about your new boyfriend and some dinner party.” Mom twiddles her fingers in the air like it’s impossible.

“Me having a boyfriend is not impossible.” I’m becoming annoyed because this is the second time today someone’s suggested I will die alone. “What if I’ve been dealing pussy on the side to a very hot dime-piece all this time?”

“Does this dime-piece have anything to do with your very bad development?” Her penciled brow arches higher.

My face crumples with guilt.

“Tell Mama more.” She waves her curling fingers.

“I may have lied to Sophia about having a boyfriend.”

“And the dinner party?”

“There may be a willing participant in this date masquerade.”

“Details!” Her hazel eyes brighten.

Ashamed, I clutch a pillow to my stomach. “I dragged a very nice man into this mess.”

“What’s he look like? Where’d you meet?” Impatient, she taps the arm of the chair.

“You’re losing focus. Nathan agreed to a dinner, but he doesn’t get what’s at stake.”

“Nathan?” She looks confused.

“Long story. We met this morning in the elevator.”

“Hmm.” She eyes me strangely but snaps out of it when she drifts into a memory. She inhales like she’s savoring something delicious and nibbles her botoxed lip. “I date Nates whenever I can. They whack bushes so hard. It’s simply delightful.”

I recoil. “You did not just say that.”