Page 87 of Weddings, Revenge & Fake Dating

I stop in my tracks when a solution to all my problems presents itself. All rationality flees and my trauma emotions take over, leaving me with one possible course to follow—self-sabotage.

If I push Nathan away before he leaves me, it will hurt less, and less hurt is better. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to chase after someone who will never be mine. It’s a legitimate plan, something I can do to combat whatever it is Nathan and I have, or pretended to have.

Along the way, we turned into a romance-book trope. It was only a fake relationship with benefits. Even as I think it, I can’t be sure Nathan wasn’t a fabulous fever dream this entire time. Too bad we’ll never get our happy ending.

“Jeanie.” Roman touches my arm, and I turn away from the ridiculous thought of Nathan and me having a future together. “Didn’t you hear me? I need to talk to you.”

Wanting to get this out of the way, I allow Roman to guide me out of the party and onto the beach. I remove my shoes and leave them.

It’s windy. Storm clouds roil on the horizon. The lights and sounds from the hotel fade as we make our way past the dune line. Angry waves become louder, crashing hard with thunderous booms.

When Roman stops, I continue tramping toward the ocean, spreading my arms wide. I scream into the oncoming storm because I was stupid enough to believe there was more to life than what I’ve experienced in the last twenty years. It’s been a harsh lesson, but an important one. Maybe love isn’t for me.

In my mind, I find my old box, open it, wrap myself in the blanket of my insecurities, fold myself tiny, step inside, and close the lid. I decide I’m only safe when my heart is locked shut.

“Jeanie, what are you doing? Stop!” Roman’s voice finally breaks through when he clamps a hand on my shoulder.

“What, Roman?” I bark.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” He takes my hands in his. “I said I was wrong. I thought I could run the beef shop alone, but then I thought about all you’ve done. You developed the recipes, the business plan, and the marketing. You even designed the crazy Beefmobiles. I was delusional to think I could function without you. I need you.”

“So, what? You want a business partner?” I chuckle darkly.

“Seeing you with Nathan made me realize how much I missed you. You’re brilliant, and I want you back.”

Before I can tell Roman what I think about his sudden change of heart, he forcefully wraps me in his arms and crushes his lips to mine.

My hands beat his shoulders, fighting him off. When he doesn’t release me, I try kneeing him in the nuts but miss.

Instead, we fall over onto the sand. Roman rolls on top of me like a boulder, his lips desperately searching for mine like a crazed lunatic. I flail and kick, but he refuses to budge.

When I wanted to win back Roman, I imagined this moment. In my fantasyland, I melted into this kiss as we were overcome with years of love and loyalty. It was beautiful and passionate. Instead, I feel nothing.

I don’t want this anymore.

“Mom?” Dex calls out on the breeze.

With Roman distracted by the interruption, I push him off to stumble and rise to my feet. Disgusted, I wipe my lips with the back of my hand. I want to yell at Roman for being an idiot, but I’m too overwhelmed by Dex’s horrified expression.

Finding us this way is the worst thing that could happen for him. Dex hated us together. He hated how Roman treated us.

My son was right from the beginning; I only ever needed him and Mom. They are my everything. They are my family. I had what I wanted all along, but I was too blinded by heartache to see.

“Dex, it’s not what it looks like.” I rush the overused cliché because I don’t have enough time to find the correct words. How can I explain in a millisecond? Your father is a toad and not the Prince Charming type.

I hold out my palm and inch around Dex like I’m corralling a frenzied animal. It doesn’t work. His face mashes into an angry wreck.

“Mom, how could you?” It’s all he has to say. Hurt blazes across his face.

Dex still thinks I’m not over Roman. Can I blame him? Having Nathan as a “boyfriend” doesn’t even factor into the equation because everything I’ve done up to this point supports that theory. It’s my own fault.

I want Dex to lash out. I want us to get everything out in the open. I want to tell him he’s smarter than me, that I should have listened to him from the beginning. He was right about everything, and I’m a terrible mom.

That’s not what happens, though. Dex doesn’t give me the tongue-lashing I deserve. He doesn’t even fight me. Instead, he does what he always does when met with some terrible thing he can’t handle.

He turns and runs away. His fight-or-flight response is the only part of him that’s still young.

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