Page 33 of All The Ways to Miss You

Even my parents warned me about this in stories of my younger years. I had to win when I ran track in high school, and was just as driven to sell the most boxes of Girl Scout cookies. If I had to buy every box myself, I would. Competition and winning are in my DNA.

I’ve seen the proof in the years after when I crushed my placement tests and returned to college. Then I proceeded to finish at the top of my class. I’m always improving my running time, and at work, I need to close deals. There’s a reason I’m the youngest associate at Grayson & Wade.

“I know what you’re thinking, but I know he likes me too. For whatever reason, he holds back,” I say, believing it. It was all he could do to keep his hands to himself tonight. “And that night we had dinner, he seemed happy Lou had broken up with me. He even mentioned he checked up on me at work. I assume through Linden. Aren’t those things you do when you’re into someone? There’s a spark between us, even if he can’t admit it.”

Disbelief pinches Aggie’s face. “What’s going on with you? I can’t talk you into anything for over a year, and now Evan has you telling lies, dressing in red, and all hot and bothered?”

“You’re right. What the hell am I doing?” I raise my hands in exasperation.

“You need to back off of this one. If you must, dress sexy or play your little head games with him, but from a distance. You don’t want to fall into the stalker category.”

“Why are you suddenly so reasonable? What happened to your crazy side?”

Groaning, I slouch into my seat, mentally exhausted. She uses the opportunity to kick up her legs and rest her feet on my lap.

“I think I came on too strong with Paul. It sort of sucks, and I don’t want you dealing with the same thing. I’m telling you, it’s killing my mojo. He’s all I can think about. I mean, look at my new socks.” She wiggles her toes.

I grab them in shock. “Black socks?”

“I know. Not a sparkle, not a bead, not even a pattern.”

“The horror.” I feign shock, playing along.

She pulls back her legs and crosses them, then leans closer with a serious face. “Did we do a Freaky Friday, Hot Chick, Vice Versa, 13 Going on 30 switchy-body thing? Are you still you? ’Cause I’m not sure I’m still me.” She squishes her boobs with her splayed hands.

I cup mine. “Nope, mine are still small, and yours appear huge, as always.”

Her face relaxes, looking relieved.

“So, where’s Evan? Does he know we’re in his apartment? Or are you already in stalker mode?” She peers around.

“He was nice enough not to leave me without hot water for another night. He gave me his key and went to stay with a friend.”

“I see what this is.” She settles back against the arm of the sofa.

“Please tell me, because I’m at a complete loss.” I rub my hands over my thighs. “All I’ve seen since I moved here is Evan with a different girl at Mr. Moon’s every week. You know he has to be bringing them home. I don’t understand why I can’t be one of them.”

“Maybe he’s already with someone, and that’s the friend he went to stay with. Or maybe you’ve been misjudging him. Maybe he’s a nice guy who thinks it wouldn’t be fair to sleep with someone that he has to see every day.”

Aggie’s words strike me dumb. She’s right. I should leave this alone. Who am I to push myself on someone? Especially when they might have a friend with benefits already—or something. Maybe Evan would be uncomfortable seeing me every day afterward. I didn’t bother to ask him because I’ve been too focused on my own selfish goals.

At the revelation, I’m undecided if I’ll stay the night. I can sleep in my own bed and return in the morning to use the shower. But who am I kidding? Being here is too enticing. Even if I’m stepping away from my little game, I need to know more about him. Now that I’ve set my sights, I’ve been looking at him in a new light, questioning what he’s about and why I haven’t paid attention to him in the past. In two dangerous words—I’m curious.

Yes, we’ve talked a lot over the last year, but he’s always hidden behind that teasing macho facade. One look at his photos, and anyone can see he’s more than that. He’s caring. He’s adventurous. And despite turning me down, he’s shown me kindness. Regardless of the idiotic words that come from his mouth when he’s teasing me, his actions evoke a different image. It’s an image of someone who gives a damn.

After Aggie leaves and I’m alone, I drift from one section of the apartment to another, dragging my finger over the furniture. I don’t open drawers or dig in closets. I only look at what’s on display like a guest in someone’s home. Something I owe him for being nice enough to allow me to stay.

There are medals from winning marathons and photos of his extended family. A piece of paper sits under one. It’s a sign-up confirmation notice for the same race I’m training for. I slide the paper back into place and move on. He likes to cook. Gadgets and ingredients line the kitchen counter. And there’s that one closed door, the one in the hallway that might be an office or bedroom, but it’s locked when I jiggle the handle. I make my way to his bedroom.

Now the entire apartment is dark except for a small reading light next to his bed. I lie on the mattress, allowing my head to sink into his feather pillow. I smell the scent of him—rain and leather. He likes nice things. His sheets are the highest thread count. Expensive watches rest on his dresser.

None of these things matches the man he portrays. If anything, the items in his home remind me of his brother, Linden. Even though Evan comes from a wealthy family, he doesn’t flaunt that part of himself. Though his apartment is nice, he could be living the life of a trust-fund baby in a luxurious high-rise, but he’s not.

It’s another mystery.

My eyes snap open. I sit up straight in bed, the covers falling away, and I grasp at the sheets.

For a moment, I’m disoriented, forgetting I’m at Evan’s. I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep, but I’m sure I heard something. I peer toward the hall and listen. When I hear a creak, I stiffen. It could be nothing; the building could be settling. Still, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand to investigate.