Page 19 of Deck the Hauls

It was so strange seeing him again. He was looking good. Fit and healthy, his new facial hair giving more Brooklyn hipster vibes than farmer. God, I’d missed him. But my chest also felt like it was being run over by Roz’s biggest tractor. The memory of walking in on him and Kelsey sent my stomach roiling. The pain had piled on top of the grief already there from losing Bowie the year before. Officially the two worst moments of my life. Should I just send him away?

No. It was Jake. The man I’d grown up with, worked with, been best of friends with for most of my life. I had broken contact with him, but it had been almost three years now. I should at least hear what he had to say.

“Thank you,” Jake said as he picked a Pink Lady apple and placed it in the sack. “I tried calling, but you didn’t pick up.”

“We have bad reception on the farm.” My hand shook as I reached to pluck an apple from a low-hanging branch.

“I’m really sorry, Dana.”

“I know.” But sorry didn’t change what had happened.

We continued picking apples in silence. It should have felt like old times, when we used to herd cattle together, fix irrigation systems and fences together, search for Jake’s keys which he always misplaced...

Instead it just sharpened the throbbing in my chest.

“How did you know where I was?”

“I saw the return address on the present you sent Mom for her birthday.”

Ah.

I stretched to pick another apple. My fingers sunk into soggy flesh. Goddamnit. The top of it was rotten. I threw it on the ground, wiped my hands on my pants and pulled my gloves out of my jacket pockets. I’d forgotten to put them on in the shock of Jake’s arrival.

Jake stopped picking and faced me, an apple in each hand. “I really am so sorry, Dana. I know what happened was really shitty. We tried to handle it the best we could, but in retrospect we could have done things better. But it’s been three years and I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives not talking. I miss you.” His eyes closed for a moment, as he used the back of his hand to rub his forehead, still holding the apples. “And it’s not fair on Mom and Dad to never be able to celebrate with us as a family again. Their fortieth wedding anniversary is coming up next year. I understand if things can’t go back to what they used to be like between us, but could we at least try to be civil so we can celebrate things like Thanksgiving and Christmas as a family...for their sake?”

I gripped the apple in my hand. Even if I could stomach being around Jake a few times a year, he wasn’t the only person I’d have to see at family events. Kelsey would be there too. With him. As a couple. The ongoing evidence of their betrayal front and center. How could I put myself through that?

For Mom and Dad.

Mom’s last voicemail had been pleading and I hadn’t ended up calling her back.

My shoulders slumped. I was a terrible daughter.

“I’ll think about it. But I can’t make any promises.”

“Thanks Dana.” Jake placed the apples he was holding in a bag. “Um, and there is one other thing that I wanted to let you know.”

“Yes?”

Jake straightened his body and faced me. “So… er… Kelsey and I… we’re having a baby.”

My head jerked back to Jake.

“A baby?”

He bowed his head. “A boy. Due early May.”

All the air was sucked from my lungs. Having kids had been a bone of contention in my relationship with Kelsey. I’d wanted them. She hadn’t. And last time I spoke to my brother he hadn’t wanted kids either.

Kelsey and Jake had moved on. My fingernails dug back into my palm.

They’d moved on, but I hadn’t.

I blinked back tears. “I need you to go.”

“Dana…”

“Please, Jake, just go.” I snatched the sack from him, a few apples rolling in the bottom.