Page 66 of Broken Vows

He eliminates the distance between us, his gaze boring into mine. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, but… there’s more going on than what you know.”

“Stop it. Stop talking.” My body is on fire, betraying me in the worst way. My galloping heart feels like I ran a marathon, and guilt drowns me. I can’t believe he just did that. I can’t believe I just did that. I need to leave. I’m outside and there’s still not enough air. I push Theo away, storm past a groaning Cody to get out of the alley and turn the corner with Theo trailing at my heels.

He grabs my arm and I freeze. “Please listen to me,” he says, soft and calm like a fucking lunatic as blood drips down his hands and into his sleeves. “Just calm down for a second and listen.”

“Calm down? Calm fucking down? I don’t want to hear what you have to say. This is what you do. This… goddammit.” I hate my aching mouth and simmering body and this craving for him to kiss me again. I want to punch him and fuck him and hug him all at once and I cannot fucking do this. “You’re messing with my head! This isn’t me. I’m not sure what kind of women you’re used to, but this isn’t me. I can’t do this.”

“I know, I know, but I promise you there’s other things happening that I can’t talk about. You just have to trust me—”

“Trust you? Are you kidding me? You’re getting married to the nicest woman in the world, you just kissed me, and you want me to trust you? You are fucking poison.”

His nostrils flare as he pulls in a deep breathe. “I know what this looks like, but just… shit… it’s not what you think.”

It’s not what it looks like? Does he think I’m stupid? I cross my arms. I’m over this. Him, us. Feeling this way and knowing I can’t have him. Drowning in guilt from lusting over an engaged man, while wanting to break down in tears knowing no one else has ever made me feel the way he does. I glare, trying as hard as I can to stop the trembles in my voice, but it’s useless. “Then tell me. Right now.”

His face drops.

“Tell me why you kissed me like that. Why you make me feel the way I do, and say the things you say, and you rented a fucking studio apartment next to me, when you’re getting married?”

His eyes fly wide open. His mouth drops. But he doesn’t say anything.

“Why, Theo?” I say, now unable to hold back a choked, trembling sob and I hate that he’s seeing me break. “Why did you come here tonight and save me and kiss me like that? Because we’re fucking friends?”

He stays totally silent, unspoken words flashing across his face, but I need him to speak.

“Why?” I say, half demanding, half pleading, all of me sick to my stomach. “Tell me! Why are you doing this to me?”

He grips my shoulders, his jaw flexing and popping, his gaze so intense that my legs shake. “Because you won’t get out of my fucking head!” His voice shatters. “I can’t take it… I can’t take it anymore. You’re everywhere. At night, during the day, in my dreams, my fucking nightmares, you are always fucking there.”

Everything slows. The traffic. The pedestrians. My heartbeat. The sounds of music trailing from whatever bar where we’re standing mutes. He steps back and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. “I can’t get you out of my head.”

And now, he sounds broken.

“It’s too much. I think of you all the goddamn time,” he says more pained than angry. “It’s not healthy. It’s not even fucking sane. I hate this so much and there’s nothing I can do. You’ve invaded every single part of me. I want to shake you off, I want to be done with you, and I can’t.”

A heavy swallow rolls down my throat and my lips tremble. “Then why are you still with Annabelle?” I say, inching closer. “I don’t understand it. I see the way you look at me, I feel the way you feel about me.” Silence fills the air, and I feel my heart opening, just a little, dipping itself a little outside of my body. “Why are you with her,” I say as my heartbeat rails against my chest, “when I think you want to be with me?”

Theo clasps his hands behind his head, looks at the sky, then back at me. He inhales, then releases a slow, rattled breath. “I’m marrying Anna.”

All color drains from my face before my cheeks heat. “Then why did you kiss me?”

He drops his gaze to the pavement, unable—or unwilling—to answer. I’m shaking, a mix of cold and adrenaline still coursing through me. I just opened myself up to him—raw, exposed, painfully vulnerable—and he doesn’t have the decency to look me in the eye.

“Fuck you, Theo. I mean that. How dare you? God, you’re such a selfish asshole. You know what I think? I think you love messing with people’s minds. I think you get hard and jerk off to how many people you can hurt. Even after all these years, you’re still fucking with me, and I fell right into your trap.” My voice is raised loud enough that a few passersby give me a side-eye, but I don’t care. I’m so done. With all of this. With seven years of hating him, with months of lusting after him, with feeling like that same girl back then who asked him out and he rejected. “This is the type of man you are. I knew it in college, and I know it now. Nothing is ever enough. You have a vile need to destroy. What sort of sick fuck are you? Annabelle’s not enough, is she? You need her. You need me. You need Olivia.”

Whatever quiet, sympathetic, maybe even longing look Theo held disappears. Violent, red-hot flames flare up his face, and he grits his teeth. “What… what the fuck did you just say?”

Oh, shit.

He. Is. Furious.

Whoever Olivia is, I just struck a major nerve. And good. I hope I did. My eyes narrow. “Olivia. Is she another one, too? Are you obsessed with her as well?” And what the hell is wrong with me that there’s this sick, disgusting jealousy terrorizing me that, what… I wasn’t special enough? The chosen other one? He’s destroyed me and I hate that he’s getting upset over Olivia?

He takes one step closer with black, lethal, rage-filled eyes. “What in the fuck do you know about Olivia?”

My breath feels like a knife, stabbing my chest. My lips stammer. “I know enough.”

He grips me by the shoulders, digging into me with such force it feels like he might toss me. Veins stretch against his neck, his eyes sear into mine so hard I want to crumble.