Page 118 of Anarchy Missing

“He’s not dead. He’s wearing fucking armor, you dumbass.”

“He will be,” I say through the pain. It’s building inside me. So intense. The heat taking over. And there’s a part of me that wants Lincoln to attack. To cut me open and release whatever it is inside me that hurts so bad.

End it, the voice in my head says. End him. End them all. And then, Case, end yourself. Free yourself from this world of pain and corruption.

“Yeah,” I say. “Yeah. I should just end us all. You,” I say to Lulu. “And you.” Nodding to Lincoln. “Then Thomas, and then me. We’ll be free, you guys. From all this bullshit.”

My weapon drops and the strap goes tight as it slams against my ribs. I grab Lulu by the arm and pull her close to me. Her cold body feels so damn good against my hot one.

I’m so fucking hot. The pain coursing through my body, so intense. I just want it to go away. I want it to stop so bad.

Just make it stop!

You fix it, Case.

Just end it! Now!

The command in my head has me reaching for my knife. It’s pressed up against Lulu’s throat before she can react. But my eyes never leave Lincoln. He’s the threat. He’s the one who will take me down if he can.

Lincoln goes still as I press the blade into Lulu’s throat. I imagine how good it would feel if I did that to myself. And I will. After I’m done with them, I will. The blood will flow and—

The helicopter shoots another window out in the house and the agony inside me explodes.

So much pain, so much heat.

Make the cuts, Case, that voice hisses. Do it, do it, do it—

A scratch on my chest floods my body with relief. “What the—”

I look down and find Lulu tracing a heart on my bare skin. Her nail digs deep, into my flesh. Just like… just like…

“Just like last night,” Lulu says, looking up at me. There’s a trickle of blood running down her neck and disappearing into her coat. My knife is still pressed up to her skin.

Red, hot light leaks out from her scratch on my chest and she repeats the motion.

I close my eyes and enjoy the relief.

No! the voice inside me screams. No!

But it’s weak now. It’s weak. Sheila is still shooting the glass out of my house with the weapons mounted on the helicopter. All the tiny windows now. All the places where that thing is hiding.

“Case,” Lulu says, her other hand coming up to her throat. “Give me the knife. You don’t want to hurt me. I know this isn’t you.”

She’s still tracing the heart on my chest. And with each pass the pain eases. The heat dissipates. The light grows stronger.

I let her take the blade and she lifts it up to my chest. She makes the deep cuts I need. She cuts the final thread that holds me together and everything goes red.

“You’re beautiful, Case Reider,” Lulu says. “Like a work of art. I can help you. Let me help you.”

I slump down to my knees in the snow, so weak, and thankful that the pain is going away.

“I can make you better,” she says. I hang my head, but open my eyes to watch her trace patterns on my body. The light leaks out in the simple shapes of flowers, and spirals, and hearts. She writes her name across my stomach with the tip of the knife and it lights up like a neon sign.

“I want to die,” I whisper. “I don’t want to live like this.”

“Yes, you do,” Lulu says, leaning in to kiss me on the lips. “You want to live. And I’m gonna help you do that.”

I lie back in the snow, enjoying the way it melts and creates a warm pool of water underneath my body. And I let her have her way.