Page 109 of Turning Back

He laughs.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“Well, I’ll probably have to put in some kind of appearance. You know, be supportive and shit. Why are you going?”

“Yeah, Chella hit me up too. Rochelle is going. So… Sure. Why not.”

“OK, I gotta go take care of business. These punks are calling me maricón now. You know what that means?”

I just laugh.

“Never mind, asshole. Later.”

I hang up still smiling. Fucking Smith.

Robert knocks on my office door. “Hey,” he says.

“What’s up?” I ask, pulling myself out from my personal problems.

“You done for the day?”

“Yeah,” I say, looking at the papers on my desk. “Pretty much. Why?”

“You wanna take off early? Hit the bar? I’m done too.”

I check the time. It’s only two. And I’m about to say, Yeah, why not, when I get an idea. A sneaky idea. An innocent, perfect, sweet idea. “Nah,” I tell him. “I’m gonna go home early today.”

When I get home, Rochelle and Adley are sitting on the couch, half asleep. “What are you doing here?” Rochelle asks. But the question comes with a big, happy smile.

“I missed you,” I say, dropping my keys on the kitchen island. I walk over to the couch and sit down carefully. Adley’s eyes are heavy and she’s almost out. “How’s she feeling?”

“She’s fine, Quin. I really hope you don’t think this is your fault. Like Bric said, it was going to happen, no matter who actually fed her the food. And the rash is almost gone. It’s not going to be a big deal.”

Her neck is still a little bit red, but Rochelle is right. She’s fine.

It’s me who’s struggling.

“Let me put her in her crib and I’ll be right back, OK?”

“Sure,” I say. Rochelle gets up, shushing Adley as she walks down the hall to try to keep her asleep.

I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to lose Bric either, but I’m willing to give him up for them. I need this to work out in my favor. I really do. Because if it doesn’t… if it doesn’t, I see a really fucked-up life in my future. A future that validates all the preconceived notions I have about myself. A future that validates the reason I started playing this game with Bric and Smith in the first place.

It might ruin me.

I get up and walk towards Adley’s room, listening to Rochelle talking quietly to the baby. She’s a good mother. She’s the perfect girlfriend too. We have argued more recently than we did in the past, but we had big problems. We talked through them. We got over them. And yes, Bric was a big part of that. I’m gonna be thankful for his help, no matter what.

But they’re mine. He has to know that. He has to.

Rochelle walks to the door, slides them closed, and smiles at me. “What are you doing?” she asks, coming forward to press her head into my chest and wrap her arms around my middle.

“Thinking about how much I love you guys. What a great mom you are.”

She leans back so she can look up at my face. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“I can guess,” I say, wrapping my arms around her too.

“Now tell me why you really came home early.”