Page 75 of Wasted Lust

“You want me,” I answer, filled with sadness and longing.

“No,” he says. I open my eyes and find him looking up at me from his position over my stomach. His blue eyes are bright from the dim light of the clock on my beside table. “I already have you. Tell me why I’m here.”

“You need me.”

He lets out a soft puff of air in a laugh that floats across my skin and gives me a shiver. “I do need you, but not how you think. Now stop being tough for a minute and think, killer.” He licks my belly button and then bites the tender skin that surrounds it. I let out a little gasp at the new pinch. “Just tell me why I’m here. I promise, you will feel nothing but relief after.”

I shake my head at him. “I don’t even know you.”

“And yet here we are.”

“I just met you.”

“We’ve been together twice already. And both times it was your idea.”

“I don’t know why I did that—”

“Don’t,” he says, reaching up to squeeze my breast with one hand.

I whimper a little, but not because of the pain. At least not the pain from his hand. The pain of what he’s asking me to say.

“Don’t do that. Don’t run anymore. Just stay here with me. You’re safe. I told you that. Every word you say. Every feeling you accept. Every fear you let go. You’re gonna be safe with me. I promise. And I’m not Nick, Sasha. I don’t break my promises. So just say it. Tell me why I’m here.”

I feel the tear slip out and roll down my cheek. “You think you love me,” I sob.

He smiles. “Yes.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I know you, Sasha Aston. I know you.” He reaches up and swipes that lone tear away. “You’re brave, and smart, and so fucking beautiful.” He whispers the last few words. “And even though I’ve tried to show you, I don’t think you know me at all. You’re my partner now. Whether you accept my offer or not, you’re my partner. And I will not walk away. Do you hear me?”

I nod.

“I will not walk away. So tell me, now that you understand that. Tell me why Nick is here.”

I take a deep breath and the words spill out with the air on the exhale. “He loves me.”

Jax smiles. “And why did your friend James drop you off at this house back when you were thirteen?”

“Because he loves me.”

“And why did your friend Merc drop his rifle for you, Sasha?”

“He loves me.”

“Yes. You’re very, very fucking real to those people. They love you. You told me this yesterday with such confidence, but I don’t think you believed it. And maybe I’d do it different, but maybe not. Maybe this end is the only way all the wrongs can be righted.”

I nod, lying there on the bed, spread open before him. Helpless because I choose to be, and not because I’m tied up, or being threatened, or fear for my life or the life of others.

And looking up at him, I realize that even though he’s on top of me and my hands are above my head, he’s put me in a position of control. He looks up at me, waiting for acceptance, knowing I can find a way out of his hold on my mind and my body. Trusting me to give in and be still. To listen to his words and think about them in my own way. On my own time.

The tears start again. “I’m so fucking sad,” I sob. “I’m so fucking sad, Jax. I’ve lost everything and still they find new things to take from me. And if they take Nick, that will just be the final nail in my coffin. Because if they can take the things that they already took, over and over again, then when will it stop? When will it end?”

“I don’t know, Sasha. But the thing is, no one does. No one knows when the pain will stop and the joy will begin. My brother walked away from a murder scene yesterday. He lost everything he had built up over the past few years. I guarantee, he feels just like you do right now. But who knows how he’ll feel in a year? Who knows how many good things will happen if he lets them? You’re not any different than the rest of us, Sasha. You’re not any more or less in control of the future than me or him. But each step you took to leave Sasha Cherlin behind was one step forward into the life of Sasha Aston.”

“I don’t know who Sasha Aston is, Jax. She’s this thirteen-year-old girl who got a new name and a new life. She went to school and got good grades. She has a bazillion dollars and not one penny can buy her happiness.”

“So stop trying to buy it. You don’t need to buy it, Sasha. Happiness is free. You just have to accept it.”