Page 86 of Wasted Lust

I didn’t find out what happened for months. It took me that long to get the courage to try to see the baby. I knew I had to walk away and never look back. I had to stay far, far away from that baby. Never claim her as my own. Never see her grow up. And that’s when I decided if I had to give her away, I might as well make it count.

I’m not sorry for killing your little brother. I am sorry that he was a pawn in a dangerous game and he paid for it with his life. But Max Barlow had every intention of turning him into me. Or James. Or Sasha, or Sydney, or Harper. Michael never had a chance.

So condemn me. You earned it. I deserve it. But I’m not sorry and I hope you don’t take it out on my daughter. Because I already told her you were her real dad and you’re a great guy. :)

These other five… well, you get to a place when none of it makes sense anymore. When I came for Angelica, I was at that place. I was already planning on letting the baby live. And the three little ones, they are too young to be considered collateral damage. But Angelica reminded me of Sasha. She put up a good fight when I came for her. Her sarcasm, her confidence, and her strength changed my black killing heart that night. I figured the little ones are easy. The little ones will get over it and never remember. But maybe Angelica deserved a chance too.

It’s not our fault we were born into the Company.

So hate me. I’ll get over it.

But don’t hate these kids.

There’s a suitcase under the bed with all their passports and papers that makes it clear who goes home with whom. Tell James I’m sorry, but he gets Angelica. Tell him he needs a new smurf because Sasha belongs to you. And Harper deserves that baby. She’s wanted one for years and was too afraid to try. But these girls are here. They’re already Company and that can’t be changed. So maybe one day when the girls are older, Harper and Sasha and Sydney will realize it’s really over. We won and they can move on and have their own babies without being afraid the Company will take them away.

Sydney knew the three half-sisters. She killed their father a couple years ago and I know she did that out of love and justice, not revenge. So I figured they were in need of a familiar face.

Tell Sash I love her. I always loved her and I did this for her as much as I did for my own kid. Make sure she understands she can’t save everyone, but she did save me. And I thank her, from the bottom of my rotten heart. I thank her.

I’m sorry it ended this way. But I hope you’ll be there to help her get through it. And I hope you stay in the FBI and keep her safe.

I put all my trust in you, Jax. Don’t let me down.

Your friend,

Nick

I hand the letter to Sasha, who reads it sniffling back tears. She hands it to James and the rest of them read it together. Harper doesn’t ask her question again, but I’m sure, even if they don’t know the details, they know the outcome.

Merc grabs the suitcase and plops it on the bed. Just as promised, there are papers in there for each little girl. James walks over to the one named Angelica, who is still clutching the baby tightly to her chest. I’m not sure which of them needs that comfort more. But does it matter?

“You’re stuck with me, brat. It’s your lucky day. I am known throughout the world for having mad motherfucking parenting skills.”

Angelica stares at him, her eyes darting back and forth. And then she bursts into tears.

James pulls her into a hug. “It’s OK, Crybaby Smurf. We’ll get through it.”

Sydney is already pulling coats on her charges, talking softly as she does it. Smiling even. I can feel an air of relief in the room as they are all bundled up. And then when they are all ready to go, they even start to chat with one another. Just another day as a Company girl. Sydney knows better than anyone how serious an undertaking this is. So she lines the little girls up near the door and then waits for Merc to hug Sasha goodbye. They whisper promises to stay in touch, and then the five of them are outta here.

Harper reaches for the baby and there’s a moment when I figure that Angelica won’t be giving her up, no matter how much sweet talk Harper feeds her. But I’m wrong. She hands her over and starts to gather her things.

Harrison asks if we need a ride, and I’m about to say yes, but really… what’s the hurry? We’ve got nowhere to be. I tell him no thanks and he gives me a knowing nod and says he’ll leave the rental car and call a cab back to the airfield.

A few minutes later Harper has the baby buckled into a car seat and she and James turn to give Sasha a hug goodbye with the same promises Merc and Sydney just muttered.

I shake James’ hand as he goes through the door, and my best guess is that we might never see these people again.

But I’m wrong a lot. A lot.

About Max, who was not the runner of rats, but the rat himself.

About Nick. He murdered children, but he saved them from a life of torture and killing too. All of them. Whether they knew it or not.

About Merc and James. Two murderers who only fight for their families now.

But about Sasha mostly.

She didn’t need me to save her from her past. She needed Nick to do that. But as she takes Lauren’s hand and lead her to the bed with the Little House book, I can see her future.