Page 88 of Total Exposure

When Jordan moved to LA for law school he completely fucked with the dynamic. We were all feeling it. Even me, and I wasn’t involved with Augustine in that way.

But then Alexander got tired of it. And Augustine and Jordan weren’t exactly finished yet. So he bailed and they continued, but as I said, Augustine never loved him. She loved me.

And maybe it’s her fault after all because it was her idea to bring me in to replace Alexander.

Friends with benefits. Does that ever fucking work?

I’m not jealous of Jordan. I wasn’t jealous then and I’m not jealous now. He doesn’t have her either. So fuck it. We came out even in that respect.

I’m not jealous of Alexander, because even though he was the man she chose to marry, she loved me first.

I was always her number one and I didn’t need to fuck her to be that.

I just was that.

Well. I didn’t see that coming. I picture the man at the greenhouse yesterday. His handsome face. His expensive suit. His piercing blue eyes. And I wonder what X looks like?

He feels magnificent on top of me. Inside me. When I touched his face last night, I could almost see him.

His story is like… a peek inside the lives of beautiful people. This arrangement is scary and intriguing at the same time. And even though he said in no uncertain terms that he was not after a spit-roast—I’m not even sure I know what that means, but I can take a guess—it’s hot. I can’t deny it, the whole thing is fucking hot.

I wait for his instructions, because there was no note about what we’re doing today. So I write my next entry. My story almost complete. And when ten o’clock rolls around and he’s still not talking to me, I make a decision.

Chapter Thirty-Two - Ixion

When I wake up, she’s gone. Nothing but a note waiting on the counter for me.

It says,

X,

I’m going out. But don’t worry, I’ll be wearing the blindfold for you tonight, not Jordan.

Evangeline

I get dressed and then I’m gone too.

Chapter Thirty-Three - Evangeline

I know that to most people, what I just did was not monumental. I walked out of a house. Under no one’s instructions and with my own purpose. It’s something small children do all the time.

But for me… it’s exhilarating. I feel the change since I’ve been in the house with X. Since we’ve been trading stories.

I want to know who he loved so much it destroyed him. And I think he wants to know who destroyed me too.

Everyone wants to know that. Well, they used to. When people gave two shits about my life. I’m pretty sure I’m nobody again. Pretty sure no one cares now.

Lucinda has asked me more times than I can count. Did they abuse me? Yes. Did they hurt me? Yes.

But not in the way people think.

And I don’t feel like telling her because I don’t think she would understand.

X would though. I have decided to write it down for him and him only. I will make him burn it, and forget it, and when I leave this house, leave him behind, I’m going to leave the past behind too.

I feel different now.

I’m not sure if it’s confidence. Maybe not that. But it’s… a willingness to see past my limitations and look forward to my challenges.