Page 21 of Angels Fall

“I’m trying my best to not think about my life too.”

“So what am I supposed to be? Just another familiar distraction?”

“No,” he says, shaking his head. “No. I don’t have a ton of regrets in life. I really don’t. Not to say there aren’t a ton of things I should regret, it’s just not my gig.”

“Wrong answer,” I whisper. My words are soft now. Low, and sad, and pitiful. “So not what I wanted to hear.”

He swallows. I swallow. He strokes the strand of hair he just pushed away. I let him. I don’t want to let him, but the fight inside me has died a little.

“Except, y’know, the way I handled everything with you, and the way I just failed. Yeah, I regret that a whole fucking lot. So…”

He looks like he’s choking up a little bit. Don’t. Shit. Just don’t.

“Because I loved Scotty. I love Scotty. It’s hard to think of him in the past tense. And I loved you too. Always loved you. I used to tell Evan and Scotty that you were gonna grow up to be a fucking heartbreaker. And Scotty used to always tell me to shut up and watch myself.” He smiles, absently, remembering some long-ago moment with him and my brother. “And when I saw you, up there dancing… I saw you. I think. That’s the only way I can explain it. Remember I told you I dreamed about you?”

I think I nod. I’m not really sure.

“I did. I dreamed of an angel who was kind to me even though I didn’t deserve it. An angel who I was trying to help. In my dream, I realized that it wouldn’t be possible for me to save everyone, but this angel… this kind angel with the beautiful green eyes and the red hair… I could save her. And I didn’t know it was you, because I hadn’t seen you in so long, but…”

He bows his head. I can feel the tears welling up in me. Which I fight.

“Did you?” I ask.

“Did I what?” he says.

“Save me. In your dream. Did you save me?”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “No. No. But I never stopped trying. And that’s why I can’t stop now.”

He opens his eyes and looks deep into me. And then he closes the already narrow space between us and kisses me gently on my cheek. And I puff out a breath and the tears just pour out.

I close my eyes and let him place his mouth against my ear, powerless to move. Caught in a web of memories, and laughter, and shared happiness that I want back so badly my chest aches with the loss of it all. And when he says, “So you’re not a distraction. You’re the only hope I have left,” I cry. Hard.

He kisses the sobs coming out of my mouth. He covers them, captures them, and holds them between us like he’s desperate to make them stop and this is the only way he knows how.

And the next thing I know, the fucking vibrator is between my legs, pushing up against my pussy through the thin cotton of the boy shorts I have on.

His other hand squeezes my hip, pressing into my flesh until it burns, and even when I twist and squirm, he refuses to let me go.

I don’t even have the energy to resist. I can’t do anything but submit. Because I’m just too tired of losing to lose again. And there’s no way I’m not gonna do this. When all you have left in the world is this one bad thing, you keep it. You hold on to it for as long as you can because it’s all you’ve got left. It doesn’t even matter that it’s bad for you. It doesn’t even matter that it’s the worst possible decision. It doesn’t even matter if it’s killing you.

Hell, maybe that’s why all this is happening? Maybe we’re both back on top of Mount Everest, looking down at that fucking fall, thinking… it ain’t so bad when you’ve already done it and lived.

The devil you know is the one you keep.

“What can I do? Tell me what it is you need and I’ll give it to you. Anything,” he says.

My mind races. There are so many things I need that Tyler could provide. And right at the top of that list is money. Tyler could pay off my debt to Carlos. Tyler could probably fund my whole real estate business endeavor. Tyler could…

What the hell am I even saying to myself? Even if this weren’t Tyler Morgan, I could never ask for that. I would never ask for that. It’s one thing if you’ve built something together with someone else, it’s another thing entirely to take what someone else has. But… there is one other thing I feel I need right now. And it is something I can ask for.

“Fuck me,” I say into his kiss, reaching for his cock beneath his jeans.

He doesn’t wait for another invitation. He just pulls me backwards, his mouth still on mine, refusing to let my sobs escape. Until the back of his legs bump into the mattress and he sits down.

He doesn’t wait then either. Our eyes don’t even have time to meet. He just pulls me down with one hand until I flop next to him onto the mess of covers, and he rolls me over onto my back, pulling my shorts off as I rip the t-shirt off over my head, and then he lifts my legs up as I feel the vibrator pressing against my clit.

Warm wetness pools as he plays, and I moan. I can’t help myself. I want him.