Page 56 of Angels Fall

Making my way through the master bedroom into the en suite (again, this is a fucking hotel room), I strip off my blouse and pants, leaving them on the bathroom floor. I want to make sure the whiskey that got on my ass didn’t stain my underwear. It’s a new lacy white bra and panty set that I bought because it looked pretty and because I realized I more or less only own really slutty stuff that I can also use at work. Sexy, but not very practical. I thought this set was sexy and practical, and I really don’t want it stained by Johnny Walker.

I contort myself in front of the mirror to make sure I’m clean—as clean as someone like me can be, anyway—and it looks like it’s all OK, thank God. And as I stand in front of the full-length mirror in this gorgeous marble bathroom that looks like it got pulled out of a French castle, looking at myself in my pretty white underwear, red hair styled and coifed and laying over my shoulder, wearing sapphire and diamond earrings that were a present from my parents, and elegant heels that one wears because they make one’s calves look good and not because they make men in a dark room want to jerk off to visions of you later, I feel almost like an angel. Again.

In the way that Tyler thought of me as an angel, and for a few seconds when we were together, made me feel like I was one too. Before the truth came out and the clouds got pulled from underneath me, and I came tumbling back down to earth.

But right now, I can pretend. For a little while. I can pretend I am working on a successful business that I started myself, and don’t owe a bunch of money to Carlos, and don’t work in a strip club, and don’t live with hookers, and haven’t fallen in love with the one guy in the world who really and truly has the ability to destroy my heart, and—

Wait.

What?

Did I say…?

Hold on.

That’s not right.

I’m not in love with Tyler. Not anymore. I was. Kind of. When I was a kid. But that wasn’t real love. And I’m not now. No way. That was just… I was just letting my mind wander. Kind of getting lost in the fact that I feel safe right now. But I’m not in love. I’m just… appreciative. At present. I’m sure that once the heady romance of this day wears off, I’ll go back to being as justifiably pissed at him as I have been. Once I’m back in the day-to-day of my struggle, I’ll—

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door frame of the bathroom.

“Um, sorry… I took off my watch earlier when I was washing my hands and I think I…” Tyler stammers as he half looks at me and half looks away.

“Tyler—” I sigh.

“Maddie, look, I’m not trying to fuckin’—I just… I just want you to understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Fuckin’… everything. Jesus. Why I dunno. Like, just why shit went the way it went. Why I am the way I fuckin’ am. Just…goddamn… Everything.”

“Look, you don’t have to—I get it. OK? It’s fine. I get it.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want you to fuckin’ ‘get it.’ I want you to understand.”

“Ty—”

I start to tell him that I do, and to just go back down and I’ll be there soon after I’ve cleaned up and changed into some new clothes.

But before I can get anything other than his name out of my mouth, he’s next to me, pulling me close to him, his lips on mine.

“Tyler, Tyler,” I work out between kisses.

“What?” he says, panting.

And I jerk my head away, look into his blue eyes, and say…

“Fuck it. I’ll clean it up later.”

As I kiss him urgently back.

TYLER

“I’ll clean it up later” could mean a lot of things, but I make the choice not to analyze.

I did not expect to find her standing here in her underwear. I really didn’t. But as long as we’re being thankful for shit, this one jumps straight to the top of the list.

Her lips barely touching mine, licking at them as she speaks, she says, “My parents are going to be wondering what we’re doing.”