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Chapter Five
Duke
Therapy is a waste of time. After my mother’s death, my dad forced me to see one doctor after another, none of which could get me to open up. Nothing Dr. Devine says or does will get me to talk. She could spread eagle on the couch for me, and I wouldn’t tell her a fucking thing.
Dr. Devine sits across from me, tapping her right heel on the edge of the table, attempting to distract me. She has nice legs, long and lean, and I bet her skin is soft to the touch. My focus is impenetrable. No matter how hard she tries to break down my walls, they’re staying up. The more she pushes, the more I will fight back. It’s in my nature. That’s what I do to survive.
“Why do you think Dean Crawford deserved a beating?” Dr. Devine’s tone is harsh and demanding.
I roll my shoulders against the comfy chair, averting her gaze.
“Dennis,” she says in a mocking tone, which only fuels my anger.
“Don’t call me Dennis,” I snap.
She stops tapping her shoe on the table and crosses her arms. Her lips stretch into a tight line. My sister gives me the same look when she’s mad at me. Kat says I act like a jerk to hide my soft interior, but that’s just what she wants to believe. My little sister has a weak spot for assholes. Hence, why she chose Dean.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family with an intensity that scares even me sometimes. I would do anything to protect them, to defend them. In my mind, what I did to Dean was payback for what Kat is going through now. I know it took both of them to make the baby and that Dean would never hurt her. But still, it felt good to smash his face in with my fist.
“Dennis,” Dr. Devine says again in an even more condescending tone. “That’s your name, is it not?”
“No one calls me
that,” I challenge.
Not since my mom was alive.
Kat calls me Denny when she either wants something from me or is trying to get under my skin. When Kat calls me Denny, I don’t mind. It’s like a term of endearment to her. Kat reminds me so much of our mother. She’s so sweet and pure, the spitting image of our mother when she was her age. Dad says that looking at Kat is like staring at old photos of my mom. I think Kat had a lot to do with why Dad stayed away so much when we needed him most.
All of us remind him of what he lost—the love of his life. Knowing that heartache can make people do stupid things, like ignore their family, makes me never want to fall in love. I never want to feel that kind of pain. I don’t want to get close enough to anyone that I can lose someday.
Dr. Devine will never know that.
I can’t share this part of myself with a league-mandated shrink who only wants to expose my secrets and report back to my team. Nope, not going to happen. My secrets will stay with me, locked away with no key.
“Duke,” I correct, my tone softening.
“Okay, Duke,” Dr. Devine says. “Why did you viciously attack Dean Crawford?”
“I’m a defenseman,” I point out. “It’s part of my job.”
She shakes her head, unsatisfied with my answer. “No, there’s more to the story.”
“No, there’s not,” I counter.
“I might not be a hockey expert,” she says, “but I’ve watched enough Caps games over the years to know that you went too far. I’ve examined the game footage. You and Dean exchanged more than a few words as you were hitting him. It looked personal.”
“He was begging me to stop,” I lie. “That’s the typical response I get.”
A beat passes where she taps her pen on the notepad resting on her thigh. My eyes drift to her legs, wishing my face were buried between them instead of enduring this conversation. Dr. Devine is the sexiest doctor I’ve ever met. If they had more shrinks like her when I was in high school, I might have opened up more during my family sessions.
Dr. Devine clears her throat when my gaze lingers for too long. “Duke,” she says, dragging out my name. “If we’re going to spend the next two months together, then we need to get on the same page.”
I cock an eyebrow at her. “How so?”
“You can start by being honest with me.”
“I am.”
