Page 114 of The Triangle

And his words make no sense to me. “Am I OK?”

“Are you hurt? I told them to make sure not to hit you. Although I will admit seeing you taking it from both Alec and Danny at once did inspire some feelings I wasn’t quite ready for.”

I don’t even bother responding to that one. I want to say, Who the fuck are you? I want to say, Why am I with you? I want to say, What are we doing?

But that we part, oh, God. That we part makes me so sick.

Because I know who he is. I think. And I understand what just happened. Maybe. I might’ve been kicked out of seventeen or thirty boarding schools in my day, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure this shit out.

I’m working with him. I did this. I planned this. I’m working with him.

No.

No, no, no.

That isn’t true. It cannot be true.

“Lars,” I say. But my voice comes out weak and squeaky.

“It’s fine, nunu,” he says, and I almost throw up. We’re still moving, he’s looking behind us as we jog. He gets beside me and kisses me on the cheek.

Oh, Jesus.

This is war, I decide. A civil war between brothers and I’m… I’m collateral damage.

But that’s not true. I’m not collateral.

I don’t want to know this stuff. I don’t want to know what this is. I don’t want to know what I did. I don’t want to be here.

“This wasn’t the plan,” I finally manage, making it up as I go.

But Lars—who is so much like Alec it hurts to look at him—turns back to me and says, “It’s fine,” he says again. And he smiles at me. Alec smiles at me. That’s Lars. That’s Lars. That’s Lars. What the fuck is wrong with me? “You’re fine. You did what you had to do. I understand. We’ll sort it out.”

I try to decide if he’s fucking with me. Because I don’t remember this plan. I don’t even really remember him. I just know who he is.

“What are we doing?” I ask, unable to hold in the questions. “Why are we doing this? Lars!” I yell, because he’s not looking at me now. He’s looking behind us. And around in circles. Like we’re lost.

“Mr. van den Berg?” the young guy who’s still holding me asks.

And this is my chance. Suddenly, they’re both focused on being terrible at their jobs. I can grab a gun, mow both of these motherfuckers down, and go find Alec and Danny. Because I don’t know who Lars is supposed to be to me, but I’m absolutely certain who completes the triangle.

Except… More flashes of memory now. Me. Lars. Dancing. I’m laughing. Lars. Giving me flowers. Flowers? What the fuck?

Who am I?

What did I do?

Why did I do it?

And then… Christine. Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, trying to convince myself. Because I love them. I love them. And there’s no way I’d betray us. Our triangle is sacred. In no alternate reality is there an incarnation of traitor Christine.

“Gaan fok ’n bok!” Lars says. “This way.”

And suddenly, for all the things I don’t know, I know one thing. I know this direction we’re headed. Because I was just there with Alec.

It’s not the way out of the forest. If I let us get dragged in this direction, we’ll be pinned against nothing for miles, and only one way back. The way that will eventually bring us crashing into Danny and Alec. And then someone else is going to die. No question. I can feel it.

That’s when I realize it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I was somehow involved with Lars. It doesn’t matter what I did. Or if I remember it or not. Or if I was just playing some secret double agent game.