Page 5 of Pierced

CHAPTER TWO - PIERCE

“Please, come on in. Make yourself at home,” Andrew says as I walk into his office and sit on the sofa facing his desk. I assume he’s being sarcastic, as I have already let myself in. And I make myself at home wherever I am, so, yes, sarcasm.

Historically, I’m not much of a gnawing-on-my-nails kind of a person, but lately, in the wake of all this Myrtle nonsense, I find myself doing it unconsciously. It’s become so unconscious that if Andrew didn’t say…

“Hey. Please stop spitting your nails on my sofa.”

… I don’t know if I’d notice that I was doing it right now.

“Merde!” I might yell as I stand and tug at my waistcoat.

He sighs. He does that a lot. Or at least he does it a lot when I’m around. I have to assume he does it a lot in general. That worries me.

“Do you need to see a doctor?” I ask him.

“...Why would I need to see a doctor?”

“I’m worried about your lung capacity.”

“What? Why—?”

“You don’t wanna be climbing a mountain or some shit and have your lungs give out, do you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Myrtle!” I exclaim.

“Wha—? Why—? Who—? What? What does Myrtle have to do with my lungs?”

“Nothing. What are you talking about?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

We kind of stare at each other for a moment. Then he says, “Let’s start again. Please, come on in. Make yourself at home.”

“She won’t let me off the hook, man,” I tell him. “I’ve done everything I can think to do and she’s still holding it all over my head.”

“Have you apologized?”

“Define ‘apology.’”

“Dude—”

“Of course I’ve apologized! It was the first, second, fifth, eighth, and like seventeenth thing I did. In between giving her raises, promoting her, and telling her she smells nice all the time.”

“Think that last one is actually just sexual harassment.”

“I don’t know what she wants. I mean, I’m playing it cool. Not letting her know that it’s getting to me.”

He raises an eyebrow at me.

“What?” That’s moi.

“I’m just…” He stops himself short.

“Spit it out, man!”

“OK. I mean, I’m sure that you are playing it cool. For you. Buuuuut…”