Page 62 of Pierced

“I dunno. It was very… it was… I got hard, man.”

There’s a pause before he says, “Well. Yeah.”

“No, I don’t think you get it. I mean, like, hard. Like…” I raise my forearm and make a fist. I tense it and shake it in his face to emphasize my point.

He puts his hand around my fist and pushes my arm down. “Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. OK. And…?”

“And… I dunno. It just… it didn’t feel like an agreement or a contract or whatever it’s supposed to be.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means… it started to not feel like this is just something I’m doing to make Myrtle happy, or something I’m doing to avoid a lawsuit, or—”

“If you were doing BDSM to avoid a lawsuit, I’ve got some sobering news for ya.”

“Will you just shut up and let me get this out?”

Knife Party screeches a staccato siren into the air. Andrew nods and does the ‘lock my lips with a key and throw it away’ thing people do when they’re being annoying.

“I’m saying, I felt something. Like felt something. I’m trying to say that I wanted her.”

I let that land as the sound of something resembling machine-gun fire plays in the background.

“You get me?” I go on. “I wanted her. The way you want someone when you’re… you know…”

Andrew cocks his head and raises his eyebrows. “Falling in love?” he asks.

“No! No. That’s… no. That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t… I mean… I don’t…” I pause, trying to find the right words. The closest I can come up with is, “I don’t think so.”

“Pierce? ”

“Yeah?”

“Have you never been in love before?”

“Not sure. If I had, would know for certain?”

He lets his head fall back into the head rest and says, “Holy shit.”

“What? Holy shit what?”

“I’m… honestly, I feel kind of embarrassed. I’ve known you all these years and I never once bothered to notice that you’ve never actually been in love.”

“That’s not… that can’t be true, though, can it? I mean, that girl in college. That first one you dated who was terrible to you—”

“Jilissa?”

“I couldn’t remember Eden, you expect me to remember fucking Jilissa?”

“That’s fair.”

“But, yeah, I guess. The one I wanted to be with but that you dated first. I think I was kind of in love with her.”

“No, you weren’t. You just wanted to, whatever. Win. She was hot and mean. Which is your shit. You just wanted the challenge. No offense.”

“None taken. But, yeah, OK. So, but that’s what this is with Myrtle. Right? My whole plan in taking her to Vail this weekend is to let her think she’s won, but then to, y’know, PIERCE her—”

“Nice. You just make that up? ”