Page 77 of The Square

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO - ALEC

“Did you happento go off and get a psychology degree when I wasn’t looking, Daniel?”

“When?” he repeats. “When did you fall in love?”

“What are you doing, Danny?” Christine asks.

“Fixing it,” he says.

He smiles at her. She smiles back, her cheeks still wet from her tears. An inside joke. One that I wasn’t privy to and, right now, don’t feel I should ask about.

“When, Alec? When was it that you decided you loved me? Loved us? When was the moment you knew?”

I stop sipping my drink and go ahead and down it whole. The muscles in my jaw spasm a bit when the flash of liquor passes over my tongue. I wipe my bearded lips with the back of my hand and place the tumbler on a side table. I trace the rim with my finger.

“I’ve always known,” I say.

“Not good enough,” he replies. “Be specific.”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Because. Because… a lot of reasons. Because you’re always so fuckin’ witty. You’re always so goddamn charming. But right now, I just want you to be honest. I want all of us to be honest. I know honesty is in short supply in this bunch, but I wanna give it a try. Because there’s a lot—a whole fuckin’ lot—that suggests we should go our separate ways again, but only one thing that suggests we should stay here together.”

“Love,” I offer, quite on impulse.

Danny points his finger at me and nods his head. “Gold star for Alec.”

I feel itchy to leave. On the surface that’s because I’m eager to go back to my estate. I want to get to Lars before he disappears. I want to know why he brought me here. How he saved me. How he survived himself. And what his goddamn plan is. Maybe, maybe there’s a chance that he’ll say something that keeps me from killing him where he stands. Because if not, I have to protect these people here and one little girl I only just met. I have to. Because I’m the one who can, and something tells me that if I don’t then it might not happen.

But, as I say, that’s on the surface. Below the surface is the fact that I feel itchy to leave because opening up a vein and bleeding my truth all over this suite is not something I’m eager to do. I’ve already bared just about as much of my soul as I can tolerate. But he’s right. It’s either get clean, get bare, right here, right now, or pretty much accept that I never will and say goodbye to them both. So that don’t leave me a choice I can stomach. I have to live in this discomfort. And thus…

“Do you remember Misty?”

“Misty?” Danny asks.

“A girl that I was distracted by for a bit.”

“I do,” says Christine. “The one in Alabama. The one we stole the necklace from.”

“Was it Alabama?” I ask. “I can never remember. Regardless… yes. That one.”

Danny squints his eyes, thinks, then says, “The one you threw off the bridge?”

“In fairness, I didn’t throw her. I was attempting to keep Christine from killing her and she was lighter than I had anticipated.”

“What about her?” Christine asks.

“Then,” I say. “That was when.”

“That was when what?” she says.

“That was when I knew.”

“You knew you loved us when you tossed some chick off a bridge?” Danny says.