Page 93 of The Square

It’s kind of a sad hold because I know we’re both thinking about the baby we didn’t have.

But I’m distracted by Danny’s hands on my scalp as he massages the luxurious tropical-scented shampoo bubbles into my hair.

“That feels nice,” I say.

“That’s the point.”

Which makes me smile and close my eyes.

Alec comes up behind me and begins rubbing liquid soap along the curve of my waist. He reaches up and fondles my breasts until large soapy bubbles cover my nipples.

I sink back into him as he places his mouth against my ear and whispers, “We’ll have our baby one day. I promise. Maybe it’s mine, maybe it’s Danny’s. It doesn’t matter. We will have that life you want. We can let go of the past.”

I nod my head and keep my eyes closed. No words necessary.

We wash each other like that for a while, slow and easy, taking turns standing under the rain shower. Not saying much. Just kinda enjoying the calm silence.

That’s why I loved the Cook Islands so much. There was a lot of stillness there and stillness is hard to find in our world.

But eventually the washing is over and I think the entirety of the day hits us all in the same moment.

Danny turns the water off and Alec gets out first, holding a towel open so he can wrap me up as I step out.

I don’t bother with clothes, just hold the towel against my body as I walk to the huge master bed, and then drop it to the floor and climb under the covers, naked.

Danny and Alec both join me, dropping their towels too.

We are a tangle of arms and legs. Danny behind me, his hands around my belly like maybe… maybe he’s thinking about that baby we’ll have some day.

Alec lies flat on the bed. My head on his shoulder, his hands behind his neck as he gazes up at the ceiling.

I sigh and they echo it.

All of us relax and drift into our own dreams.

Happy.