Page 111 of Alonzo

“What are you doing? Why are you here? I thought—”

“You thought I wanted to… what? Stay with Tony? Give it another go?”

I shrug. “Maybe.”

“No, thanks. I’m not gonna stay down in Key West. I told Vann I’d be back in Fort Collins in a few weeks and to keep my job safe.”

“But your mom? And your friends?”

“My mom is safe. And you and Vann are my friends now. Starting over was hard. But it was good for me, Tara. And it’s going to be good for these kids too. But they’re scared right now. And they need people who get it. They need people who can tell them it will all be OK. And I agree with Alonzo. We’re the right women for the job.”

My brain is working overtime, thinking back to the last thing Alonzo said to me on the dock before this save-the-kids operation started.

We’re both allowed to have our own beautifully dangerous lives and I want you to live yours.

But it only makes sense right now.

We will be together.

We will be partners.

But we will not lose ourselves in the process.

And wasn’t that what I was afraid of? Wasn’t that the whole reason I had my little existential crisis back up in Fort Collins before I left?

I wanted to hold on to me, even though I was someone new now.

And helping these kids is just another way to pay tribute to who I am.

Someone more than Phoebe.

Someone better than Tara.

I am me. 3.0.

And I can’t wait to discover who she is.

EPILOGUE - ALONZO

I wait for her.

I wait for her the way I wait for all good things. Like how I wait for the perfect sunset. Or Saturday night dinners with the family. I miss her, don’t get me wrong. But she’s not far away. She’s never been far away, even when she was.

We talk every night. Sometimes we phone-fuck, sometimes we don’t.

She has always had her own life and I have always had mine.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t share one together too.

It’s not anyone’s idea of normal. I get that. Some couples can’t handle the distance and some couples can’t handle the intimacy.

We don’t have either of those problems.

Tara Tanner is the love of my life and I will wait for her.

I will be her siren, calling her home, while she goes off to do beautifully dangerous things.

Tony has been hanging out with me a lot lately. And while I enjoy his company—we have always been close—it pains me to admit that I actually miss Jesse. For a douchebag yachter who spent most of his life being a dick, he’s not a bad friend. I look forward to Saturday night dinners because he hangs out with Tony, Luke, Zach, and me afterward now.