Page 42 of Alonzo

I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be commenting on. I didn’t hear anything after he started scrambling to explain. “Nope.”

He opens his mouth to say something but my screen is blocked with an incoming call from Belinda. “Hold on for a sec, Lonnie. I have to take this call.” I press hold and accept on my screen. “What’s up?”

“Hey. You get home OK?”

“Yeah. I’m here.”

“Did you have a nice dinner with Vann?”

“Um… so. Did you set me up with him?”

“Look, I know you’re not in the market for a boyfriend and you say you’re perfectly happy with this Lonnie loser, but come on, Tara. You need company. Real-life company. Someone to actually hang out with after work. Take day trips up to the mountains. Shit like that.”

“You don’t have a guy like that.”

“I know, but… I have my reasons.”

Ah. I see now. Vann told me about her, but he never told her about me. Why? What is Vann Vaughn doing? Is he setting me up? Is he working for them? Is he going to out me? I don’t understand.

“Oh, hey. Before I forget. Someone was just in here looking for you, Tare.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Some guy. He was kinda hot.”

“Who would be looking for me?” But as the words are spilling past my lips, I know who might be looking for me.

“He was all tatted up. I’m talking full sleeves and a chest piece that crept all the way up his neck.

My stomach goes sick. “What did these tats look like?”

“Really nice ones. All devils. And not like… ugly devils. They were kinda hot too.”

I swallow hard as my heart begins to race. “Did he leave a message?”

“Yeah. Which is weird. The whole thing was weird, actually. I don’t know why he came in to Sick Boyz looking for you, unless he saw us together in town or something. I was going to ask, but then he said, ‘If you see Tara tell her Phoebe said hi.’ Then he left. You know him? And who’s Phoebe?”

I nod my head, unable to speak.

“Tara?”

“Um… I have Lonnie on hold. Can I call you back in like five minutes?”

“Sure. But wait—Vann, hmm? He’s cute, right? A little young, but hey, there’s three more where he came from! Which flavor do you like? I’ve seen them looking at you when you—”

“I’ll call you back.”

I press end and return. Lonnie’s FaceTime screen appears. He’s frowning. “OK, what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, OK? I’m just…” But I can’t get the words out. I was going to say disappointed. And I am disappointed. In a very sad way though. And I don’t want him to know how sad it makes me that he’s not real. I have this sudden feeling of vulnerability and don’t want to expose myself to him right now. And I get it. I’m not real either. I’m a total fake. But I have a good reason to fake it. My life depends on it.

Diablo is here. Looking for me. And that scares the shit out of me.

But Lonnie… he makes me sad. Was he just having fun with me? Why would he lie about this stuff? My heart hurts. I feel shattered. Blindsided. I was falling for this man. I know he’s not a great catch or anything, but he was my kind of fish in the sea. Kind, and funny, and considerate and… safe.

Talking with Lonnie these past two years always made me feel safe.

And now?