Page 149 of Creeping Beautiful

I’m not sure why I feel that way. I just know it to be true.

I flop back on my bed. I can hear them arguing down the hallway. Not all of it. But Adam is yelling, as usual. And Donovan is being self-righteous, as usual. McKay doesn’t say much, but when I do hear his voice, it’s low and calm. That’s just his way.

I reach over to grab one of the quilted pillows to put under my head, but my hand bumps into something hard.

I sit up and look at the tape player. “What the fuck is this?”

I hold it in my hands, wondering where it came from. Who put it here? Then I pop the button to open it, take out the cassette tape, and read the writing on the label.

INTERVIEW WITH INDIE

AGE 20.0

SESSION #190

I think I die when the meaning of those handwritten words sinks in. I think my heart stops and I float out of my body like a ghost.

This was the very bad day.

This was the day I lost it.

This was the day I…

I put it back in the machine and press play.

Donovan’s voice fills the room. Then mine.

He is panicked.

And I am crying.

CHAPTER THIRTY - DONOVAN

PRESENT DAY

I throw open the door, cross the room, and rip the tape player out of her hands.

I press a button and my voice stops talking.

Indie just looks up at me like…

“I know I put it there.” I’m desperate to explain as Adam and McKay come in behind me. “But…”

Indie holds out her hand, palm up, and says, calm as can be, “I want to hear it, Donovan. Give it back.”

I turn around and look at Adam. He’s glowering at me. But his words come out slow, and smooth, and mean. “What the actual fuck, Donovan? You gave her that tape?”

“I was… I thought…”

“It’s my mind, Donovan. And now it’s time for you to give it back.”

I turn to McKay. “McKay…”

“Give it to her. She needs to know the truth.”

And that just pisses me off. Because I have been wanting to tell her the truth about who and what she is for years. And now I look like the one who was keeping those secrets. “Fuck it.” I throw the player onto the bed. “Fuck it then. Listen to it.”

I walk out of the room, go back into my room, grab the bag filled with tapes I brought with me, and then take it back to Indie’s room and toss it onto the bed. “Listen to them all, Indie. Be my guest. I have nothing to hide anymore.”