Page 85 of Lovely Darkness

Nathan doesn’t take his eyes off the dark road in front of us. “I didn’t lie about the house. They were gone when I went back.”

“You just didn’t mention that you went lookin’ and found them again.”

It’s a little bit weird to see them talk like this. Especially with Wendy and me in the backseat. Because in my head, Nathan St. James is all mine. He belongs to me, and I belong to him, and our lives take place on Old Home island.

The conversation between Nick and Nate reminds me that it’s an illusion. Because I have lived one life, and Nathan has lived another, and so far—those two lives have never actually met.

Nick Tate is like an introduction to our secret lives. He and Nathan know each other. Well. I don’t like to think about how that happened, of course. Because it was me.

I went crazy.

I tried to kill them. All of them.

Maggie was poisoned.

Adam left and took her with him.

Donovan had to give everyone some kind of antidote.

Nathan was bleeding on the ground after my attack.

McKay gave him another life and told him to never come back.

And that other life ended up being Nick Tate.

Four years.

They worked together for four years.

“I don’t know why you expect me to fill you in on things these days, Nick,” Nathan says. “We’re done. I told you we were done back in Savannah. I don’t owe you any more information.”

“It’s not about owing, Nate. It’s just a courtesy.”

“So you can kill them?”

“Since when do you care if they die? Last I heard you wanted to kill them too.”

I glance over at Wendy to see how she’s feeling about this conversation, but she doesn’t appear to be paying attention. She’s just staring out her window. She’s on the driver’s side, so even if she wanted to look at Nick, she wouldn’t be able to see him. But she’s very still and quiet.

“I’ve never been on board with it,” Nate says. “You know that. I was doing it because I owed you, but that debt was cancelled long ago. I did way more for you than you ever did for me.”

“They killed your friends, Nathan. Beck and Moore. Remember them?”

“Yeah,” Nate says. But that’s where he drops it.

So does Nick. Like he crossed some line and he knows it.

I don’t like the quiet that comes next. So I pick up Nick’s question and answer it. But of course, I’m lyin’, as usual. “We didn’t find them, Nick.”

“What?” This one word comes out of his mouth like a snap. “What do you mean? Then where the hell are we going?”

“We’re going to the house you sent me to,” Nate says. I’m glad that he’s not dwelling on his dead friends. I understand that some people get stuck on death in that way. But I’ve never found sadness to be very productive.

“Why would we do that? I thought you said they were gone?” Nick asks.

“They are gone. You’ll see,” Nathan says.

“But we’re going back anyway?”